lazycash

I was sitting on my office balcony one pleasant evening last week, smokin? a dooby, watching the sunset over Vancouver ? when a panicked employee burst through the door with a pale and twisted expression on his face: ?Mr. Temple, you?re in the New York Times. You?re getting SUED BY CRAIGSLIST!?

Oh no, I thought. This could be bad. REAL BAD. I might have to move my servers ? and that could eat up a whopping ten minutes of my day. I called for some more ganja.

First Marc Emery, and now me. The-Times-They-Are-A-Changin.

So Craigslist wants to drag my black ass into an American courtroom for crimes against humanity ? or at least, crimes against Craigslist.

What are these gross violations of human rights that led Craig Newmark to want me in the gallows? According to the lawsuit: Fraud, Personation, Copyrights Infringement, Violation of the Computer Fraud and Abuse Act, computer Intrusion, and other combinations of the word ?computer? + ?any crime you can think of?.

Funny thing is, I?ve never even posted an ad on Craigslist. I don?t use the site. It?s full of spam!

Could it be that Mr. Newmark blames me for all that spam, even though I?ve never posted an ad?

C?mon Craig ? I ain?t misbehavin? ? ain?t misbehavin? ?

Newmark is an old white dude. I?m a young black man. You know how the story goes. I make an easy target for all those old white farts in the American courts, the robber-baron CEOs who scam their own companies out of millions and need a scapegoat ? and it?s always the black man who takes the fall.

The more things change, the more they stay the same.

Blame it on the black man. Eddie the African ? he?s the bad guy. He?s the one posting all that spam. Fuck the courts, eh .. let?s string young Eddie up with a rope and get the job done like they did back in the day ?

Here?s the deal, folks. I?m getting serious now. Eddie Temple Promotions LTD is a UK Company. We have offices all over the world ? Wellington New Zealand, Vancouver Canada, London England. Big companies get sued all the time; Microsoft, Ebay, AOL, even Craigslist itself. I?ve explained this to my employees and now I?ll explain it to you: Eddie Temple isn?t going anywhere.

Craig Newmark can huff ? and puff ? but he will NEVER blow my house down.

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