Originally Posted by BradM

If this were a brick and mortar store this is how it would work:

You'd be walking around outside on the street and you'd see a sign on a store window that says "Free Candy Canes". You walk in to the store thinking "Cool I get a free candy cane." Next, you are bopped on the head by an anorexic Russian woman wearing an oil stained mechanics coverall using a foam mallet. She giggles, and then pushes you down into a large teacup that has a stool in it. You land on the stool and a door closes to the teacup.

Now you spin around in circles in the store on a track, where you see stuffed parrots, a gazebo with a BBQ in it which is cooking what looks like mutated donkeys. You spin more and strobe lights and blacklights and laser shows nearly give you a seizure and stroke at the same time. A smoke machine blarts a smelly odor your way, while you are tipped upside down. At the end, your teacup smashes into 100 pieces and you fall onto the floor, cutting your elbow.

The Anorexic Russian slaps you, smiles and then says "Okay, how much do you want to buy?"
You reply with "What the hell just happened?"

She refuses to answer you, and only gets aggressive "Don't fucking come here unless you're ready to buy!" and then shoves you outside onto the street, where is has begun to rain and you are in shorts and flipflops.

Soaking wet you go home pissed off and tell your friends what happened and they say "That makes no sense. Think you'll go back to get more free candy canes?" you reply with "Fuck no, I have NO damn idea what happened AND I didn't get a free candy cane."