GoFuckYourself.com - Adult Webmaster Forum - View Single Post - This is how you write an ad, anybody want to buy a Harley?

MK Ultra · 05-21-2014, 08:44 AM

http://slo.craigslist.org/mcy/4480512421.html

Quote:

OK, let me start off by saying this Harley Davidson is only available for purchase by the manliest of men (or women). My friend, if it was possible for a vehicle to sprout chest hair and a five o'clock shadow, this bike would look like Tom Selleck. It is just that manly.

It was never intended to drive to the mall so you can pick up that adorable shirt at Abercrombie & Fitch that you had your eye on. It wasn't meant to transport you to yoga class or Linens & Things. No, that's what your Prius is for. If that's the kind of vehicle you're looking for, then just do us all a favor and stop reading right now. I mean it. Just stop.

THIS VEHICLE IS NOT FOR A MAN WHO: does not own a toolbox, has never changed their own oil, and are scared of firearms.
THIS VEHICLE IS NOT FOR A MAN WHO: has been posting on facebook all about how excited you are for pumpkin latte season.
THIS VEHICLE IS NOT FOR A MAN WHO: gets offended easy and often, whine to your co-workers, and uses coconut hand lotion every morning.
THIS VEHICLE IS NOT FOR A MAN WHO: has never uttered the words, "Hold my beer and watch this ..."
THIS VEHICLE IS NOT FOR A MAN WHO: owns a bieber album, white oakleys, affliction t-shirts, or those candy-assed stitched-pocket jeans.
THIS VEHICLE IS NOT FOR A MAN WHO: considers the 2nd Amendment an anachronistic relic and have never owned a firearm.

This bike was engineered by Army Ranger Navy Seal super-warriors to serve the needs of the man that cheats death on a daily basis. They didn't even consider superfluous nancy boy amenities like navigation systems (real men don't get lost), heated leather seats (a real man doesn't let anything warm his butt), or On Star (real men don't even know what the hell On Star is). No, this brute comes with the things us testosterone-fueled super action junkies need. It has a massive engine to outrun the cops. It's got special blood/gore resistant upholstery. It even has a first-aid kit in the back. You know what the first aid kit has in it? A pint of whiskey, a stitch-your-own-wound kit and a hunk of leather to bite down on when you're operating on yourself.

It has room for you and a hotty you picked up on the way to the gym to blast your pecs and hammer your glutes. There's only 12,800 miles on this two-wheeled hellcat from Planet Kickass. Trust me, it will outlive you and the offspring that will carry your name. It will live on as a monument to your machismo.

You like going fast? Ever tried to outrun 24 police cars and 3 helicopters? You need this a bike. Its like someone took a rocket and opened its mouth and poured steroids down its throat and and threatened to kill its family if it wasn't the fastest motherfcker you've ever rode.

Now, go look in the mirror and tell me what you see. If it's a rugged, no holds barred, super brute he-man macho Chuck Norris stunt double, then contact me.