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Old 07-29-2016, 12:41 AM  
Paul Markham
Too old to care
 
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Industry Role:
Join Date: Jun 2001
Location: On the sofa, watching TV or doing my jigsaws.
Posts: 52,943
You and Matt are strangers to the reader. The scenarios are places no one can associate with. The only description is the physical sex. Which is described too mechanically.

Make it real as if you were inside the scene describe your feelings and thinking more.

Here's an idea, make it about webcamming and a great experience you had. What, where, who and why it was great. Make it personal to and from you.

Or describe real sexual experiences.

As for reading other novels, they need not be erotic. They will show you how words paint a picture in a reader's mind.

Spelling and Grammar are easily fixed, buy Grammarly.
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