A Day in the Life of Saddam Hussein:
9:00 AM - Receives "Sorry You Got Caught" FTD bouquet from Osama.
10:00 AM - Saddam asks White House if the pre-war offer of exile is still available.
11:00 AM - To encourage him to cooperate, Saddam placed in a room with Richard Simmons.
11:15 AM - Receives call from confused President Bush saying, "Hang in there, buddy. We'll have you outta there in no time."
11:30 AM - Saddam defeats Khalid Shaikh Mohammed to win 'Most Awkward Capture Photo" Award.
Noon - Al Gore announces he's endorsing Saddam
12:30 PM - Asks that his lunch ration not include bread since he's on the South Beach diet.
1:00 PM - David Blaine announces he'll attempt to spend 6 weeks in Saddam's bunker
5:00 PM - Tapes guest spot on "The Tonight Show"
6:00 PM - Calls Johnnie Cochran. Asks him to start thinking of rhymes for 'Weapons of Mass Destruction"
7:00 PM - Awkward silence among U.S. officers when Saddam asks, "So, what have Uday and Qusay been up to?"
