Just got this email... WOW people are lazy and dumb

[96ukssob]

Got this email a little earlier today... have no clue who it is

Hey there,

I was told to contact you as you are the "go to guy" for all things web. I'm looking to start an internet based business and looking to see if you can help me out. I have a number of years of sales experience, but when it comes to the web and marketing, I don't have a clue.

Thank you!
Bryan [last name]
[their telephone number]

Great, another asshat looking for free SEM or SEO advice or wants me to run their adwords accounts for a commission of sales. Before I brush him off, I think shit, I have a wedding I need to pay for, I could use some extra cash, so I reply "kindly" with...

Hey Bryan,

Thanks for reaching out to me. What type of business are you getting into? Can you tell me a little more about what you are trying to do, sell, offer, etc., as well, if its products what your CPA (cost per acquisition) goals are. Of course, please include your website and any info around advertising/marketing budgets you may have.

I'll put together an outline plan once I get some more info and include my rates and lets go from there.

-John

His response minutes later...

Thanks John! I really look forward to working with you. At this time I don't have a webpage or business picked out, which is why I wanted to contact you. Can you give me a few ideas of what I should do? I'm not looking for something that will require a lot of out of pocket money as I have very little. This will be my "second job" for a while until it brings in about $4,000/mo and I will quit my main job.

I'm also looking for something a little more long term, so I can continue to do this for years go come and one day retire and sell the business. So tell me, what do you suggest?!?

I looked around on the web and found some companies that will give you free websites and I plan on marketing through craigslist.com and Facebook and Twitter, so that will keep my initial cost down. I have PayPal setup to take payments now, but need to get someone to set it up so people can buy from my site without me having to send them a payment request, I dont have time to deal with that. This is something that you do?

You mentioned "rates" but I'm not looking to hire someone at this time, I just need someone to point me in the right direction and what to do to get off the ground. Think of this sort of like an "I-owe-you" and once I get the biz going, then we can do some work together. Hows that sound? I'm really excited and can free up my schedule to talk anytime. Are you around this weekend? Give me your number or give me a call and lets talk!"

Chao!
Bryan

im still debating what to send to him as a response. im half tempted to send him a picture of a Xerox machine and say "this is easier, just print money, buy drugs with the fake money, then sell the drugs for real money"

I still cant get over people these days...

[spazlabz]

it is so difficult to not say something mean and sarcastic about this gentleman you are exchanging e mails with... my tongue has several bite marks but thanks for the read LOL

[woj]

[Klen]

Looks like a total uber noob.

[Zuzana Designs]

lol you should put that up at http://clientsfromhell.net/

[~Ray]

send him a link to this thread

[Rochard]

I've had a number of people contact me saying they want to be in adult and I've helped them out. They all signed up under me. A few dozen emails through out the years has made me some serious cash.

[CurrentlySober]

All of my 'I like poo' nonsense aside... I FEEL for yah...

I used to get this all the time. Hence it being one of the main reasons leading to my semi retirement, in 2009...

[alias]

Set an email filter: skip inbox, delete

[BlackCrayon]

send him a link to google.

[96ukssob]

Originally Posted by Rochard

I've had a number of people contact me saying they want to be in adult and I've helped them out. They all signed up under me. A few dozen emails through out the years has made me some serious cash.

its not even for adult because they emailed me on my mainstream addy which means someone, like an old client gave them my info or they found it on some forum... one old client actually posted my email address and said email him for questions. he wasnt trying to be a dick but thought he was helping me out.

I get these from time to time, but most are pretty straight forward "can you tell me what to do to make money?" and I ignore, but should of known better.

Recently, had a friend of a friends mom ask me to help her get some medical/herbal business off the ground and if I wanted to be a "partner" and make 10%... I can get paid more as an affiliate on CJ

[Sarah_Jayne]

Welcome to working in support. Part of that is dealing with such emails in an appropriate manner and then moving to the next one. I deal with people like that all the time and I will take the time because now and then one of them becomes a good long term affiliate. It really is simply part of the job and one of the skills of the job is sometimes being able to stop yourself climbing the clocktower that is 'the boards' and going all 'I hate Mondays' on people.

[B.Barnato]

John,

I came to you with a request for pointers and advice as you had been mentioned to me as being very knowledgeable and helpful. I did not expect to be ridiculed on a chat board for being inquisitive and looking to do business.

While my budget is rather small at the moment, I had hoped to get you on board my project to make both of us money. Certainly the deal would have had to be discussed in more detail. I have laid the foundations already by setting up the payment options with paypal and have also done some research on cost effective usage of free websites and advertising streams.

I came to you to add some knowledge and insight to my project and offer you a partnership that would have been beneficial for both of us.

Now I have changed my mind.

Bryan

[Tom_PM]

Give him the only advice he needs.

On search engines, people are telling you what they want to buy. So provide the product or service they are searching for.

Then say Good luck and attach your bill.

[MrMaxwell]

Originally Posted by Zuzana Designs

lol you should put that up at http://clientsfromhell.net/

That is the best post I've seen in some time, now... Good work

[LeRoy]

Give him a rate sheet. Then follow up with him to get a check.

[Shey]

If I could only count the times...

[GTS Mark]

Ahhh fuck i have these kinds of e-mails all the time.

Just reply back to him and say you're too busy to take on new business right now and wish him well.