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BREAKING: Masturbating Men Will Find Their Hands Pregnant In The Afterlife BREAKING: Masturbating Men Will Find Their Hands Pregnant In The Afterlife
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Old 05-26-2015, 04:19 AM   #1
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BREAKING: Masturbating Men Will Find Their Hands Pregnant In The Afterlife
Masturbating Men Will Find Their Hands Pregnant In The Afterlife, Muslim Televangelist Warns

A Turkish televangelist has warned male Muslims away from masturbation - because it may leave their hands pregnant in the afterlife.

Mücahid Cihad Han supposedly made the claim in response to a call from a man who "kept masturbating, although he was married, and even during the Umrah", a pilgrimage similar to the Hajj.

Masturbating Men Will Find Their Hands Pregnant In The Afterlife, Muslim Televangelist Warns

:D
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Old 05-26-2015, 05:28 AM   #2
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I am so screwed
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Old 05-26-2015, 05:34 AM   #3
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Why masturbate when you can have a least four wives in Islam??
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Old 05-26-2015, 05:35 AM   #4
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Will the hand ever give birth or will it just remain infinitely pregnant?
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Old 05-26-2015, 05:38 AM   #5
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Being that I'm ambidexterous I'm really screwed.


(twins!!?)
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Old 05-26-2015, 06:36 AM   #6
Markul
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Yes. It's true. I will have a hundred thousand hand babies in the afterlife. Rejoice!
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Old 05-26-2015, 06:44 AM   #7
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I think buddy needs some sex education classes
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Old 05-26-2015, 06:53 AM   #8
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Shit that means you have to push your babies out from under your fingernails. Do they make morning-after pills to prevent hand-preggers? And if I live in Alabama, where do I go to get hand-abortions? Planned Hand Parenthood? Is my hand considered my sister? (Is my other hand my brother?)
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Old 05-26-2015, 06:56 AM   #9
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I wonder if that means I can get a FleshLight pregnant?..
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Old 05-26-2015, 07:41 AM   #10
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Do they have coat hangers in the afterlife? Problem solved.
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Old 05-26-2015, 07:46 AM   #11
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Why masturbate when you can have a least four wives in Islam??
you prefer masturbation or earplugs?
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Old 05-26-2015, 07:49 AM   #12
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Do feet count as well?
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Old 05-26-2015, 07:53 AM   #13
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what if i get hand-job from girl?
does her hand gets pregnant or she gets pregnant .
damn i am confused.
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Old 05-26-2015, 08:05 AM   #14
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you prefer masturbation or earplugs?
...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Qur'an
As to those women on whose part you see ill-conduct, admonish them (first), (next,) refuse to share their beds, (and last,) beat them (lightly, if it is useful). But if they return to obedience, seek not against them means (of annoyance). Surely, Allah is Most High, Most Great.
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Old 05-26-2015, 08:10 AM   #15
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maybe no one ever told him how babies were made
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Old 05-26-2015, 09:25 AM   #16
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Masturbating Men Will Find Their Hands Pregnant In The Afterlife, Muslim Televangelist Warns

A Turkish televangelist has warned male Muslims away from masturbation - because it may leave their hands pregnant in the afterlife.

Mücahid Cihad Han supposedly made the claim in response to a call from a man who "kept masturbating, although he was married, and even during the Umrah", a pilgrimage similar to the Hajj.

Masturbating Men Will Find Their Hands Pregnant In The Afterlife, Muslim Televangelist Warns

:D
now this is the kind of critical thinking that I want laying out the rules and laws in my life
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Old 05-26-2015, 10:56 AM   #17
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I guess I';m going to have to push my hand down a flight of stairs in the afterlife...
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Old 05-26-2015, 11:16 AM   #18
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Just get caught stealing, hand aborted, problem solved.
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Old 05-26-2015, 01:33 PM   #19
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Just get caught stealing, hand aborted, problem solved.
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Old 05-26-2015, 01:36 PM   #20
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Just get caught stealing, hand aborted, problem solved.
it moved to your forehead
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Old 05-26-2015, 01:40 PM   #21
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Haha that's awesome.
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Old 05-26-2015, 01:40 PM   #22
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The best thing my hand could ever do I say...
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Old 05-26-2015, 02:08 PM   #23
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I am so screwed
Dittoo
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Old 05-26-2015, 02:50 PM   #24
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The lord works in mysterious ways...
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Old 05-26-2015, 03:04 PM   #25
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Old 05-26-2015, 03:32 PM   #26
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I'm gonna make a mess when I get to heaven then...
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