True Tales Worth A Laugh

[HairyChick]

You think you’re the only one who can totally fuck up when talking?

People Are Sharing Their Most Awkward Moments And, Holy Crap, They're So Funny
BuzzFeed Staff

1. "We were at a funeral for a distant relative. My sister was talking to one of our cousins and asked, 'So how's your mom doing?' Not well... it was her funeral. We still give my sister a hard time for that one."
—Tyler Sweeney, Facebook

2. "There was a really hot guy working at my local gas station, and I get so nervous around attractive people. He handed me my change and told me to have a nice day. I panicked, and instead of saying, 'Thanks. You too!,' like a normal human, I meowed. Like a cat. I haven't been to that gas station since."
—Lisa Reynolds, Facebook

3. "In college, my friends and I were tossing our frisbee to random people passing by. One girl was holding books in one hand and refused to catch it. My friend jokingly yelled, 'You don't want to play with us?! What, do you only have one arm?!' She did..."
—Katie Cook, Facebook

4. "I once asked a woman if she wanted a stool softener because I couldn't think of the word 'cushion.'"
—Misty Moulden, Facebook

5. "One time I accidentally told a man in a wheelchair that a shot of espresso would put some pep in his step."
—Cheryl Dexter, Facebook

6. "I went to the pharmacy once to get a nasal sprayer. l ended up asking the lady for some anal sprayer instead. The look on her face still makes me feel ashamed."
—Bart Cruz, Facebook

7. "I called my friend and just blurted out 'I did it! I dumped him!' Turned out I didn't dial my friend's number, but the number of the guy I had just dumped."
—Nellie Waddell, Facebook

8. "I once inexplicably kissed the hand of my piano coach's husband in greeting. I lie awake at night, 10 years later, wondering why I did that."
—Julia Watkins-Davis, Facebook

9. "I once saw a woman I thought I knew, got behind her, and whispered, 'I'm following you.' She turned around, and it was a complete stranger."
—Rhian Louise Lewis, Facebook

10. "My family was at a funeral and something smelled really bad in the back of the chapel where we were sitting. My mom leaned over and whispered, 'It smells like something died in here!' Everyone around us gave her an unamused look. It took my mom a few minutes to figure out what she said."
—michellet64

11. "I tried to order a large Coke and a large pop at the same time and ended up saying, 'Hello, I'd like a large cock.'"
—Matt Worthington, Facebook

12. "Was on a tour of the Norwegian Fjords with my girlfriend. There was a point when the crew of the boat went to go feed some goats a bit of bread. We got swarmed by seagulls, to which my girlfriend proudly exclaimed, 'Oh my gosh, David! Look at all the penguins!' I haven't let her live it down since."
—David Gordon Ramsay, Facebook

13. "I was at a petting zoo last weekend and accidentally said, 'Come here, horny,' because my brain said 'pony' and 'horsey' at the same time."
—Michele Prainito, Facebook

14. "I saw this kid who happened to be blind, and he was wearing a shirt of a band I really like. I approached him and asked the same question I ask everyone with a band tee on: 'Hey, you ever see them live?' I was so embarrassed, I walked away before he could answer."
—Bryan Leon, Facebook

15. "My boss asked me how my weekend was. I said it was good and that I planted some flowers. He asked what kind I got, to which I replied 'Chlamydia.' Then, with a totally straight face, I said, 'No, I mean clehahahahaha. Chlamydia is an STD.'"
—Donna Tanner Jasper, Facebook

16. "I had a friend who accidentally got his hand blown off, and whilst in the hospital a nurse came in with both of her arms full of supplies. She said, 'Sometimes I wish I had more hands.' My friend raised his arm and said, 'Yeah, me too!' She felt horrible and started to cry, but he was so doped up and just making a joke."
—Roxanna Cook-Jones, Facebook

17. "My coworker really likes kids and loves interacting with them. One time, as she was getting on the bus, she saw a little kid in front of her, so she lifted the kid up to help her get up the stairs and said, 'Weeeeeee!,' only to realize later it was actually a little person, not a kid."
—Juli Ana, Facebook