Non-PC jokes [Not Political Correct Jokes]

[Matyko]

Heyhey,
It is time to test the board community if you like non-PC jokes or not.
If not: get the fuck out!
If yes: post your favorite(s).
Let's see how it goes.

Needless to say, these a re JOKES, motherfuckers, no need to take them personally and/or as offense.

Let the fun begin!

[Ferus]

Say what you want about Pedophiles but at least they drive slow through school zones

[Ferus]

All these jokes are so offensive Mr. Hawking just won’t stand for it

[Ferus]

What do milk and make a wish kids have in common , they both have expire dates.

[TheLegacy]

Baby seal walks into a club...

[CaptainHowdy]

. . .

[TheLegacy]

*As Hitler is sitting in his office, he hears a voice in his head. "Hello, Adolf, this is God. I need you to do something for me."
"Yes God"
"I command you to kill six million Jews and one clown?"
"Why the clown?"
"See? Nobody asks about the Jews..."


*Why can't cops change lightbulbs? They just beat it for being dark."

I was going to say a gay joke, butt fuck it.

What's the difference between a Mexican and a bench?
A Mexican can support a family!

[JesseQuinn]

Originally Posted by TheLegacy

What's the difference between a Mexican and a bench?
A Mexican can support a family!

how do Mexicans feel about the border wall?

they'll get over it

I needed this thread this morning. gracias M/op

my fav:

it's a joke, not a dick. don't take it so hard

[wasteland]

Guy walks into a hotel with his wife and kids and asks the registration desk manager:
"Is the in-room porn disabled?"
Manage: "No, it's all regular porn you sick fucker".

[Ferus]

Originally Posted by wasteland

Guy walks into a hotel with his wife and kids and asks the registration desk manager:
"Is the in-room porn disabled?"
Manage: "No, it's all regular porn you sick fucker".

Best one so far

[pornguy]

Originally Posted by TheLegacy

What's the difference between a Mexican and a bench?
A BENCH can support a family!

Fixed it for you.

[TheLegacy]

Originally Posted by pornguy

Fixed it for you.

Thank you - sometimes my fingers work faster than my brain or is it the other way around? not sure. Appreciate it.

[Grapesoda]

Originally Posted by Matyko

Heyhey,
It is time to test the board community if you like non-PC jokes or not.
If not: get the fuck out!
If yes: post your favorite(s).
Let's see how it goes.

Needless to say, these a re JOKES, motherfuckers, no need to take them personally and/or as offense.

Let the fun begin!

kinda lame

[Grapesoda]

ever you even noticed that most pedos are kinda dumpy, balding or short hair, no shave, sloppy dress, etc... what is it about that look that drives kids wild???

[just a punk]

Originally Posted by Matyko

Would like to live for a day in that fantasy world. In my country men have no rights (

[Grapesoda]

a little kid is hitchhiking, the kid has welding goggles on and is wearing welding gloves. a truck driver stops and picks the kid up.

as they drive along the truck driver ask the kid if he know what 'fellatio' is?
the kid: no
truck driver: so kid do you know what sodomy is?
the kid: nope
truck driver: kid you know what pedophile is?
the kid: mister I gotta be honest with you, I'm not really a welder.

[wasteland]

What's the difference between an epileptic corn farmer and a prostitute with diarrhea?
One shucks between fits.

What's the difference between a David Copperfield magic show and the Radio City Music Hall Rockettes?
One presents a cunning array of stunts.

[Grapesoda]

the difference between a band or pygmies and a girls track team?
- one is a bunch or cunning runts

the difference between a nun in church and a nun in a bathtub?
- one has hope in her soul

[Grapesoda]

Originally Posted by CyberSEO

Would like to live for a day in that fantasy world. In my country men have no rights (

the men may have the head, but the women have the neck

[k0nr4d]

Old polish joke, translating it into english...

A bus driver is driving a tour group of Orthodox Jews to Auschwitz. Driving through the forest, the bus breaks down. He messes around in the engine bay for a while but doesn't manage to fix anything. The driver saw a house a few km back and decides to walk back there for help. He knocks on the door, owner opens.

"Hey, you've gotta help me. I'm taking a group of Jews to Auschwitz and my bus broke down up the road."

"I'd love to help, but what can I do? All I have is a small toaster oven!"

[klinton]

Originally Posted by k0nr4d

Old polish joke, translating it into english...

never heard it....

looks like you invented it by yourself.

[klinton]

Originally Posted by CyberSEO

Would like to live for a day in that fantasy world. In my country men have no rights (

marriage went wrong ?

[Grapesoda]

Originally Posted by k0nr4d

Old polish joke, translating it into english...

A bus driver is driving a tour group of Orthodox Jews to Auschwitz. Driving through the forest, the bus breaks down. He messes around in the engine bay for a while but doesn't manage to fix anything. The driver saw a house a few km back and decides to walk back there for help. He knocks on the door, owner opens.

"Hey, you've gotta help me. I'm taking a group of Jews to Auschwitz and my bus broke down up the road."

"I'd love to help, but what can I do? All I have is a small toaster oven!"

like this joke, how do you fit 15 jews in a Volkswagen? in the ashtray

FYI you know why the camps were in poland? the german insurance industry was going broke paying all the death benefits on the murders Jews, so they forced the gov to move the camps out of the country. that way the jews were immigrating and not being murdered and the polices were canceled.

[celandina]

[escorpio]

How do you get a dog to stop humping your leg?



Pick him up and suck his dick.

[King Mark]

[pornguy]

Originally Posted by TheLegacy

Thank you - sometimes my fingers work faster than my brain or is it the other way around? not sure. Appreciate it.

I know the feeling. My fingers get dyslexia

[just a punk]

Originally Posted by klinton

marriage went wrong ?

The Russian laws went wrong. Women here have much more rights than man. E.g.:

All men may get a life prison time if they commit an especially grave crime. Women - not (no life time for them in Russia).
All women get money from the government for every child they give birth to (so-called "mother's capital"). Men - not.
All men must serve in the military. Women - not (just because).
All women are entitled to two years of paid maternity leave. Man - not.
etc...

Sexism

[JesseQuinn]

Originally Posted by celandina

...

[The Porn Nerd]

Originally Posted by CyberSEO

The Russian laws went wrong. Women here have much more rights than man. E.g.:

All men may get a life prison time if they commit an especially grave crime. Women - not (no life time for them in Russia).
All women get money from the government for every child they give birth to (so-called "mother's capital"). Men - not.
All men must serve in the military. Women - not (just because).
All women are entitled to two years of paid maternity leave. Man - not.
etc...

Sexism

I love how this Russian asshat does not post a joke, get a joke, even know what a joke IS then tries to turn the thread into some downer political point about his shithole country...made me laugh so i guess it qualifies.

So here's one for Ivan The Clueless:

Why did Hitler commit suicide?
He got a look at the gas bill.

[just a punk]

Originally Posted by The Porn Nerd

I love how this Russian asshat does not post a joke, get a joke, even know what a joke IS then tries to turn the thread into some downer political point about his shithole country...made me laugh so i guess it qualifies.

I see you posted a lot of jokes here and you have an outstanding sense of humor. Had yet another bad day, schmuck? Go cry a river to your mom.

[The Porn Nerd]

Originally Posted by CyberSEO

I see you posted a lot of jokes here and you have an outstanding sense of humor. Had yet another bad day, schmuck? Go cry a river to your mom.

I think of you Cyber Ivan when I hear this joke:

A drunk Russian was taking a walk in the Moscow zoo. Suddenly he saw a donkey. He elbowed his way up to the enclosure, pulled the donkey’s face up close to his own, kissed it and began to weep: “You poor bunny rabbit, what have the Communists done to you?”

[just a punk]

Originally Posted by The Porn Nerd

I think of you Cyber Ivan when I hear this joke:

A drunk Russian was taking a walk in the Moscow zoo. Suddenly he saw a donkey. He elbowed his way up to the enclosure, pulled the donkey’s face up close to his own, kissed it and began to weep: “You poor bunny rabbit, what have the Communists done to you?”

I told you. You have a great sense of humor. I believe your parents are very proud of you, because I've almost died of laugh.

[The Porn Nerd]

Originally Posted by CyberSEO

I told you. You have a great sense of humor. I believe your parents are very proud of you, because I've almost died of laugh.

Well since you brought up my family here's one starring you as a little communist boy:

A delegation of foreign communists came to see a Moscow kindergarten. Before they came, the kids were instructed to answer every question by the visitors with just one sentence, "In the USSR everything is the best in the world."

The visitors came and asked their questions:

"Children, do you like your kindergarten?"

"In the USSR everything is the best in the world!" the kids shouted.

"And what about the food you get?"

"In the USSR everything is the best in the world!"

"Do you like your toys?"

"In the USSR everything is the best in the world!"

At that, the smallest boy in the group started crying.

"Ivan, why are you crying? What happened?"

"I want to go to the USSR!"

[j3rkules]

Originally Posted by Matyko

Heyhey,
It is time to test the board community if you like non-PC jokes or not.
If not: get the fuck out!
If yes: post your favorite(s).
Let's see how it goes.

Needless to say, these a re JOKES, motherfuckers, no need to take them personally and/or as offense.

Let the fun begin!

Buddy, please check my private message, it is very important to me.

[J. Falcon]

Originally Posted by The Porn Nerd

I think of you Cyber Ivan when I hear this joke:

A drunk Russian was taking a walk in the Moscow zoo. Suddenly he saw a donkey. He elbowed his way up to the enclosure, pulled the donkey’s face up close to his own, kissed it and began to weep: “You poor bunny rabbit, what have the Communists done to you?”

That's the best joke so far. Great one

[Mr Pheer]

Whenever CyberSEO says something, I read it in the voice of that FPSRussia guy from Youtube.

[Matyko]

Originally Posted by The Porn Nerd

Well since you brought up my family here's one starring you as a little communist boy:

A delegation of foreign communists came to see a Moscow kindergarten. Before they came, the kids were instructed to answer every question by the visitors with just one sentence, "In the USSR everything is the best in the world."

The visitors came and asked their questions:

"Children, do you like your kindergarten?"

"In the USSR everything is the best in the world!" the kids shouted.

"And what about the food you get?"

"In the USSR everything is the best in the world!"

"Do you like your toys?"

"In the USSR everything is the best in the world!"

At that, the smallest boy in the group started crying.

"Ivan, why are you crying? What happened?"

"I want to go to the USSR!"

Hahaha this is fucking awesome! :D

CyberSEO, I never made any negative comment on your posts, but now it's time to say Go Fuck Yourself dude!

I know The Porn Nerd, met him in person not just once and he indeed has a fantastic and unique personality and has a superb sense of humor!! <3 So you are wrong on many levels and if you can't contribute with a non-PC joke then get the fuck out of my thread! ;)

[The Porn Nerd]

Originally Posted by Matyko

Hahaha this is fucking awesome! :D

CyberSEO, I never made any negative comment on your posts, but now it's time to say Go Fuck Yourself dude!

I know The Porn Nerd, met him in person not just once and he indeed has a fantastic and unique personality and has a superb sense of humor!! <3 So you are wrong on many levels and if you can't contribute with a non-PC joke then get the fuck out of my thread! ;)

Haha thanks man!! You are good people too. So here is one just for you my Budapest buddy:

Two Hungarian kids are talking about sex:

Kid 1: "Hey, I bet you're still a virgin."
Kid 2: "Yeah, I was a virgin until last night ."
Kid 1: "As if."
Kid 2: "Yeah, just ask your sister."
Kid 1: "I don't have a sister."
Kid 2: "You will in about nine months."

[k0nr4d]

Originally Posted by The Porn Nerd

Two Hungarian kids are talking about sex:

Kid 1: "Hey, I bet you're still a virgin."
Kid 2: "Yeah, I was a virgin until last night ."
Kid 1: "As if."
Kid 2: "Yeah, just ask your sister."
Kid 1: "I don't have a sister."
Kid 2: "You will in about nine months."

The problem with this one is that it is not offensive because you can swap in literally any nationality and it still makes sense. It doesn't play off any stereotypes

[The Porn Nerd]

Originally Posted by k0nr4d

The problem with this one is that it is not offensive because you can swap in literally any nationality and it still makes sense. It doesn't play off any stereotypes

Being Polish you are right, of course. So here are a couple Polish jokes just for you my Krakow kookie:

Q: Why did the Polak cross the road?
A: He couldn't get his dick out of the chicken.

and

Q: How do you take a census in a Polish village?
A: Roll a quarter down the street, count the legs, divide by two, and subtract one for the Jew who catches it.

-------------------

and finally one for you and your borscht butt buddy CyberSEO:

Q: Did you know that Poland just bought 10,000 Septic Tanks?
A: As soon as they learn how to drive 'em, they are going to invade Russia.

[k0nr4d]

Originally Posted by The Porn Nerd

Being Polish you are right, of course. So here are a couple Polish jokes just for you my Krakow kookie:

Q: Why did the Polak cross the road?
A: He couldn't get his dick out of the chicken.

and

Q: How do you take a census in a Polish village?
A: Roll a quarter down the street, count the legs, divide by two, and subtract one for the Jew who catches it.

-------------------

and finally one for you and your borscht butt buddy CyberSEO:

Q: Did you know that Poland just bought 10,000 Septic Tanks?
A: As soon as they learn how to drive 'em, they are going to invade Russia.

See, again, only the last of those is really a proper polish joke because we basically have mini-war with russia since forever. For the others you could replace Pole with Italian, French, Arab, whatever and the joke still makes sense. I don't understand the coin one - is there a one legged jew in the village?

[k0nr4d]

The German, the gypsy and the Romanian are on a plane
Suddenly, the German throws a silver spoon out the window. The others ask him why he did that, to which the German replies:

'Where I come from, that's what we have the most of.'

After that, the gypsy throws a gold spoon out the window. The others asks him why he did that, to which he replies:

'Where I come from, that's what we have the most of.'

Soon after, the Romanian suddenly throws the gypsy out the window and shouts:

'And where I come from, that's what we have the most of!'

[The Porn Nerd]

Originally Posted by k0nr4d

See, again, only the last of those is really a proper polish joke because we basically have mini-war with russia since forever. For the others you could replace Pole with Italian, French, Arab, whatever and the joke still makes sense. I don't understand the coin one - is there a one legged jew in the village?

I disagree Comrade. I mean, Konr4d. Everyone knows Polish people love fucking chickens.



The second one doesn't make sense. Therefore, very Polish (in an anti-semitic sort of way).

Originally Posted by k0nr4d

The German, the gypsy and the Romanian are on a plane
Suddenly, the German throws a silver spoon out the window. The others ask him why he did that, to which the German replies:

'Where I come from, that's what we have the most of.'

After that, the gypsy throws a gold spoon out the window. The others asks him why he did that, to which he replies:

'Where I come from, that's what we have the most of.'

Soon after, the Romanian suddenly throws the gypsy out the window and shouts:

'And where I come from, that's what we have the most of!'

Why are people throwing things out of planes?
You Europeans are very weird.

[k0nr4d]

Originally Posted by The Porn Nerd

I disagree Comrade. I mean, Konr4d. Everyone knows Polish people love fucking chickens.

That's the thing - an offensive joke has to be made specific to stereotypes made of an ethnic group. The covetous jew, the thieving gypsy, the drunk irishman, the fat american, etc. If a joke just lets you substitute any nation or ethnic group, it's not an offensive joke and thus that's what makes most polish jokes stupid. There are some good ones, that make sense, but like 99% of them are just "how many X does it take to screw in a lightbulb".

Originally Posted by The Porn Nerd

Why are people throwing things out of planes?
You Europeans are very weird.

It's ok, it's just gypsies No matter how anti-racist someone might be, everyone in Europe agrees when it comes to gypsies

[The Porn Nerd]

Originally Posted by k0nr4d

It's ok, it's just gypsies No matter how anti-racist someone might be, everyone in Europe agrees when it comes to gypsies

[Matyko]

How many black people does it take to start a riot?

-1

[escorpio]

Originally Posted by Matyko

How many black people does it take to start a riot?

-1

[Matyko]

Originally Posted by escorpio

This is from my favorite series EVER. Kenny Powers for the win!!!!! <3