Arguments for s judge to grant full custody of your child

[Naughty]

I'm going to court soon, my ex g/f and I are having a lot of different opinions on how to raise our son (20 months old).

He has been with me from saturday till wednesday for 9 months now, but because i live in another city than her, she wants to have everything close to her home (school, daycare etc.). I do not agree so i want our kid to come live with me from monday morning till friday afternoon.

My ex is a nutcase: borderline, party hardy, always friends over (she cannot be alone for more than 2 hours). She's been with around 7 or 8 guys since last november, they have all met my son (not a valid argument for a judge, but it is annoying;-)). Well, I can ramble on and on about the ex but i won't. Just looking for arguments to win the judge over, arguments i can prove.

What did you do, if anything?


ps. I know, this is GFY, but there's a LOT of angry fathers here;)

[Kelli58]

Well "My ex is a nutcase" is not going to work. You need to be able to prove that you have a stable home, are able to provide for all of his needs. Keep a detailed log (with dates and times) of any mistakes she makes including being late for picking up the child, forgetting medicines, ANYTHING you can think of that will discredit her ability as a parent.

Do you have a job? Great. Is it better than hers? Note that.
Do you have health insurance for the child? Does she? Whose is better?
Where is the child's doctor? If their main medical care is where you live, establish that.
If you live in a house and she an apartment or tailer that helps. They like stable homes.

If she does drugs and you don't, volunteer (on the spot) for random drug tests, knowing she can't refuse will make you look better.

[k0nr4d]

good luck and hope you dont get a bible thumping judge and she doesn't play the porn card

[Horny Guy]

proving stuff is the hard part that cost you money ....and if she is doing or has been doing things they will ask why you speak up now and not before ?

Jude will hear both sides and it does not come down to what you say or she says like you said its what you can prove ...dates, times , recordings , non payments of rent so on but they will want things you can show them ...good luck with it been there and done it and going at it agian its a long battle

[MichelleB]

You'll have to prove to the judge that she is an unfit mother. You'll need some kind of proof, or somebody that can vouch for you of what you are saying is true. I know most people think the child should be with the Mother, but I also know that there are a lot of women out there that shouldn't be a Mother. I don't know what else to say, but good luck I hope you win. Oh make sure you document things she says or does and date it.

[Naughty]

Originally Posted by Kelli58

Well "My ex is a nutcase" is not going to work. You need to be able to prove that you have a stable home, are able to provide for all of his needs. Keep a detailed log (with dates and times) of any mistakes she makes including being late for picking up the child, forgetting medicines, ANYTHING you can think of that will discredit her ability as a parent.

Do you have a job? Great. Is it better than hers? Note that.
Do you have health insurance for the child? Does she? Whose is better?
Where is the child's doctor? If their main medical care is where you live, establish that.
If you live in a house and she an apartment or tailer that helps. They like stable homes.

If she does drugs and you don't, volunteer (on the spot) for random drug tests, knowing she can't refuse will make you look better.

Okay, she has several professional people who she sees. A bureau for alcohol abuse, a shrink and another 'helper'. She's 26 now, has seen these sorts of people for 14 years.

I have a house (I own it), she lives in my old appartment. Thing is: We only went out for 2,5 years, she came live with me so it was logic that we took my doctor as it is across the street. It is not her doctor also. Will it help if I sign up for a doctor's office for him and me here? He's in my Health care plan, but in the Netherlands that is all pretty much the same.


I have a steady income for the past 5-6 years, she goes to school and works as a waitress on the side, every now and then.

She's very much in dept and can NOT take care of her self, moneywise.

We actually picked out this house together because it was a better environment for our child. A week or two before our move, she told me she'd rather stay at my old appartment.

I actually thought about that drugtest too, as i know she does coke regularly. I never took (hard)drugs.


Any more tips?

[Naughty]

Oh, about the documentation: I have saved up about 6 months worth of sms messages, msn logs, and agenda records of when my kid was here and why (not).

My attorney (a woman) bent over backworths when she read the one a day before xmas: "I'm leaving tonight so you will have to keep nameson with you, i will not be available so don't bother contacting me". Of course, a day later she asked me at what time i would bring our kid, hahah. I did not obviously.

I have a lot of these messages saved up. She's been like this for ever.

When our son was around 4-6 months old she came home drunk one night and wanted to grab the kid out of his bed to cuttle .... that was 4 AM. That's the kind of mom she is.

My old neighbours (hers now) hate her guts, she's an egocentric woman causing nightly disturbance for others in the street (loud music, shouting people etc.).

[SmokeyTheBear]

first off , dont try to attack her, if you want more custody , prove why you are a good father not why she is a bad mother. Children under 2 they like to keep majority custody with the mother, they also do not like to change "majority" custody. Depending on where you live they usually figure out majority custody by %. If one parent has the child more than 65% of the time , they are the sole guardian

I notice in your post you refer to what you want and what she wants, you need to always assess things by what is best for the kid not you or her.

Dont say " i want the kid from mon-fri" , say " the child would be more stable if ... "

[Ross]

You own your house as in no mortgage? You have a steady income, and from what you say about this woman she doesn't. She's living in your appartment so I take it you own that as well?

To me sounds like you don't need much more arguements. All the best, hope you get the outcome you are looking for.

[ADL Colin]

Get a better attorney than her.

[BVF]

Originally Posted by Naughty

I'm going to court soon, my ex g/f and I are having a lot of different opinions on how to raise our son (20 months old).

He has been with me from saturday till wednesday for 9 months now, but because i live in another city than her, she wants to have everything close to her home (school, daycare etc.). I do not agree so i want our kid to come live with me from monday morning till friday afternoon.

My ex is a nutcase: borderline, party hardy, always friends over (she cannot be alone for more than 2 hours). She's been with around 7 or 8 guys since last november, they have all met my son (not a valid argument for a judge, but it is annoying;-)). Well, I can ramble on and on about the ex but i won't. Just looking for arguments to win the judge over, arguments i can prove.

What did you do, if anything?


ps. I know, this is GFY, but there's a LOT of angry fathers here;)

The kid is too young....They're going to go with the woman....

The best and cheapest thing for you to do is move closer to her.....This is why I'm sitting here in Milwaukee right now....Do you think I would want to live in fucking MILWAUKEE for no reason?

[Snake Doctor]

Unfortunately the system works like this.

IF she was turning tricks and smoking crack you could take the kid away from her.

Once she was done with rehab and/or jail time, the court would give the child back to her.

Welcome to the U.S. family court system.

[LauraLee]

Originally Posted by Kelli58

Well "My ex is a nutcase" is not going to work. You need to be able to prove that you have a stable home, are able to provide for all of his needs. Keep a detailed log (with dates and times) of any mistakes she makes including being late for picking up the child, forgetting medicines, ANYTHING you can think of that will discredit her ability as a parent.

Do you have a job? Great. Is it better than hers? Note that.
Do you have health insurance for the child? Does she? Whose is better?
Where is the child's doctor? If their main medical care is where you live, establish that.
If you live in a house and she an apartment or tailer that helps. They like stable homes.

If she does drugs and you don't, volunteer (on the spot) for random drug tests, knowing she can't refuse will make you look better.

Excellent insight and advice.

[baddog]

Originally Posted by BVF

The kid is too young....They're going to go with the woman....

Disagree

Remember these simple keywords: the best interests of the child.

[BVF]

Originally Posted by baddog

Disagree

Remember these simple keywords: the best interests of the child.

I remember those keywords, however, they are not enforced in court....Unless they catch the woman about to drive her kids into the lake, they're going to send the kid with the mother....

[SykkBoy]

sadly, it's tougher for fathers to get custody, but luckily that's changing.
A lot of judges have this antiquated notion that a child is better off living with their mother. This isn't always the case.

You'll need to prove she's unfit, but more importantly, show that you are stable, have the income, etc. If you have other people who can act as character witnesses, that will help, especially if they are "professional" people.

As suggested, keep a detailed diary and lots of notes. It sounds like you've done a lot of that. Just remember going in, that the judge might already be one of those who feel the child is best served living with their mother, so be prepared already be at a disadvantage.

[baddog]

Originally Posted by Naughty

I have a steady income for the past 5-6 years, she goes to school and works as a waitress on the side, every now and then.

Irrelevant. That is what Child Support is all about. Again, the best interests of the child is the primary concern of the Court's and should be yours as well.

If you have ICQ and want to talk, this is one subject I am very well-versed in, however, I would hope your attorney has already mentioned what I have just said.

[baddog]

Originally Posted by BVF

I remember those keywords, however, they are not enforced in court....Unless they catch the woman about to drive her kids into the lake, they're going to send the kid with the mother....

Maybe it was you? The Court did not like you or you had a lousy attorney.

Joint custody is usually going to be in the best interests of the child. You would have to be a real screw up to not be able to get that.

Sorry, I just noticed the OP wants full custody. You are going to have to show how that is in the best
interests of the child.

[DaddyHalbucks]

Arguments for s judge to grant full custody of your child
++++++++++

1. I am woman, hear me roar.

2. I am a woman, and all you judges, lawyers, social workers, victim advocates, state agencies, real estate brokers --and everybody else in the divorce industry --all depend on me being victimized and well compensated, so please go do your thing.

Sorry, I don't know any arguments for a man, except, maybe that you are married to Britney Spears. Short of that, my advice is to get a damn good lawyer.

[TyroneGoldberg]

She's been with around 7 or 8 guys since last november

homeboy, it's May. That's not bad at all.


You need a lawyer. Get one

[media]

Its sad when shit gets to this point.. I hope I never have to go through this with my ex wife..

[Tom_PM]

Introducing 8 guys into the 1 year olds life is not bad? I'd say it's horrible. She sounds like a real piece of work to me.

I hope the Netherlands judges are more common sense oriented, if so it sounds like you should have permanent full custody.

[payd2purv]

I would definitely point out the negatives about the mother if given the chance.

[Naughty]

Wow, i saw this bookmarked and thought i'd click it.

Can you believe I'm still right in the middle of this?
I've had court meetings, mediation and whatnot. Cost me a lot of money, but we're getting close.

I'll be back to finish this when all is done, good or bad.

Oh man the stuff that has happened since I started this thread. Wrist slicings, stabbings, near eviction etc. etc.. I was not involved in or with any of her crap.

[Naughty]

@Colin: I sure do have that. Her's blows (well, i wish, she's a pretty hot Portugese in her early 30s). She did about everything wrong, not that it matters though, judging by her client;-)

[st0ned]

Good luck bro. I have a nutty babies mom also. I have been through court already with her and will be returning again soon. My advice is to get a recorder and record cell phone conversations (they are admissible in court), take pictures, etc. Anything that you can do to document. Otherwise it is her word against yours in court. Not sure how it works there but they generally side with the mother in Arizona.

In a case where a child's well being is at stake, I think you should go to any lengths to ensure you gain custody. For me this included multiple police reports. Again, I wish you luck in your case. I know EXACTLY what you are going through as I don't think anyone could be crazier than my ex.

[kenny]

If the mother is partying a lot and has a criminal record use that.

Something like possession of drugs can go a long way.

Also he said, she said doesn't cut it. You need sworn affidavits, etc.

The best interest of the child depends on how unfit the mother is, everything being equal if she fights she'll win.

That is how it usually goes in the US