probably subconsciously avoiding some issue. i knew guys who played video games all of the time but i would imagine it should eventually wear off.

Hit me up on Xbox for some COD Modern Warfare 2 action. I have a 1.45 k/d ratio and climbing.

MidgetTears!

HAHA... that's the game! I'll pass along the info. :-P

I think you are probably just boring. i have never ignored a fun woman. if you are boring the guy would rather play games.

what do you bring to the table?

*awaits im a mother answer*

probably feels like he's in a prison with the wife and kids and plays to drown out the resentment that is life his slipping away.

once he snaps i guess the police will take it from there.

What do I bring to the table?

1. I make good money. I'm good at my job and have a healthy career ahead of me. I have no desire to ever stay home and play housewife.

2. I am attractive, fun, and sexually open (and genuinely bisexual).

3. Everyone who meets me loves me so he gets the accolades of friends, family and co-workers who think he must be awesome to have snagged the likes of me.

4. I'm smart and witty and a good conversationalist.

5. I'm not materialistic. I hate to shop and refuse to spend more than $50 on a pair of shoes... and if I'm going to buy a pair of shoes they better damn well go with at least 1/4 of my outfits.

6. I'm funny and have a good sense of humor.

7. I'm quite well versed in all things sexual which makes for good entertaining conversation at parties.

8. I can hang with the boys so his friends always want to invite me out with them to poker, strip clubs, etc.

6. I'm loving, which makes me a good mother and an affectionate partner.

7. I'm tough and opinionated (which may be a negative to some but he likes being able to respect his partner).

8. I have that quality that tends to make people feel they are better off for having known me.

There are other smaller things like that I'm confident (but I think I covered that above) or that I know how to dress for the occasion... but you get the picture.

Career, family, friends, and self-improvement - those are your priorities. His priorities may very well be to make enough money to have a place to live and play video games. Anyway, it sounds like he did not want family. Lots of men end up with a family not because they wanted to, but because of society expectations and/or because their gfs gradually nag them into marriage/children thing.

was he "boring" before you got married?

as said above alot of people get married for the wrong reasons. instead of going through a "lonely" period and find someone you genuinly match with people get tied down before they are afraid to be "alone". then they get married and realize they never really knew the person.

why were you attracted to him in the forst place? guy seems like a slob.

Us guys all need our free time, like someone else said, he could be spending all of his free time out at a bar. If ya think about it, video games are cheap entertainment, you buy a $60 game and there's many nights of entertainment.

I guess the biggest problem would be if you're asking him to go out and do things and he's turning you down to sit in front of the tv, then that's the problem.

I myself spend many hours on the computer every day and I game from time to time when I get a chance, but the second the wife asks me if I want to go shopping or go for lunch, I drop what I'm doing and go.

wow this was a fun thread to read lol :thumbsup

sucks about your situation tho..

We have a long history so it's not a matter of being tied down before we knew each other. In fact, no ones tied down now. I don't believe in "Til death do us part"... if things don't work and they can't be fixed than all involved should go on to greener pastures.

That's totally the main problem. I'm taking the kids to the park and he doesn't want to go because he'll get alone time on the video games, or I come home from work and the house is a mess and dinner needs to be made and homework needs to get done and he's downstairs gaming all night while I'm doing everything by myself... that's the kinda stuff that bothers me.

how long has he been like this?

Our history is a really long story but basically this has always been a potential issue... it's just worsened to the point that I have to do something about it the past few months.

So have you tried simply exressing how it makes you feel, or do you just tell him that he plays video games all day long and it's annoying?
It sounds very parent - child like so many relationships are.

It's really not. I read a lot so I've read tons of psychology books and I try to always use that "This makes me feel..." rule. He's the only person I've ever known that it doesn't work on. He takes it personally no matter how it's worded. Our therapist has convinced him that another person's feelings aren't a personal attack on him so that has been very helpful. He just says that he wants me to simply tell him what I expect so he can do it. The problem with that is this is life and I don't expect him to play video games between, say, 8-10PM Wednesday through Saturday. We're living a life that has various demands at different times and different days. I can't give him a hard schedule that will get everything done. We just need everything to be balanced.

I just feel like right now he's feeling resentful (albeit understanding) of where I'm coming from. I think he realizes that his desires are conflicting (he wants a family but he also wants total freedom). How he will resolve that I am not sure.

sounds like there is a power unbalance that needs to be addressed. if my gf 'told me' the times i should be 'doing stuff', my gf would be going to a masseuse

I can see a bit of myself in that answer of "just tell me what to do so I can do it", but at that point I've usually thrown up my mental hands anyway. I'm the type that likes to resolve a problem if there is an argument, and if there is an argument there'd better be a real problem that needs resolving.

I would say again though that chances are he just likes playing the damn thing, and I say that because it's not as if something has to be wrong with you if he's spending time on something else. Motive is important I think in being able to live with crap we wouldnt choose.

Try to start a conversation with him about this without getting bitchy? :upsidedow

Challenge him to a one vs one deathmatch at Modern Warfare 2 to resolve the issue...

I'll stop being a bitch when men stop being assholes. ;)

how old are the kids?

what do they think about their zombie dad?

I have ZERO desire to tell him when to be doing stuff... he WANTS me to tell him so he doesn't have to think about it. I want him to be aware of his surroundings and make sure things are balanced.

Ah well... looks like this is a typical male-female issue and thus I shouldn't feel too badly about it anyway.

I seriously cannot believe this thread is still going. :)

I do not have any concerns that he prefers the game over me... honestly. My concerns are that he can't seem to balance it with other things. Like, he'll say he's going to play until midnight (because he has to work the next morning) and then play until 4AM. The lack of control is my worry. I know he's aware that kids need to get fed and trash needs to get taken out... but he needs to have the control to stop the game and make sure that stuff gets done.

i think someone has some roses and dinner coming her way ;)

How is he going to protect his family from the war if he cant kill 11 year olds screaming nigg a this nigg a that....lol

I have a similiar addiction but I make sure most of the household things are done including kids bathing and eating homework etc. I might dabble on the weekends but the the kids and wife are asleep....its war with the brothers in arms

I dont play during the weekends during the day because I have too much going on plus the wife will kill me and I need some peace in the world

she would rather see me not playing but laying on the couch doing mindless shit like watching TV is OK. I say its not OK. I do what I like to do and I enjoy it. I shouldnt stop because my wife would prefer me to watch TV that I hate.

Sounds like a case of Modern Warfare 2 to me. Get yourself an xbox to put in the other room and join his game. Learn how to play and you guys could have countless hours of fun together. OR give him some INCENTIVE to get off the game. ;)

@NikKay:

Your concerns are well-founded and you do appear to be handling the situation as best you can, given the circumstances.

My suggestion, if I may be so bold, is to bundle up the kids and take them to a sitter (or family member) several times a week over the next month or so and designate a little "me" time for yourself.

If he decides to join in whatever you plan on doing, then allow him, but definitely set aside things that focus on you.

This could alleviate the stress of handling things yourself and might ease those feelings of resentment. He obviously was able to do something right to get you to marry him, so give him a few more chances to reacquaint himself with what brought you together in the first place.

Solution: And this comes after reading every response of yours in this thread --- you and your man need a vacation. Just the two of you, alone somewhere where it's tons of fun and no video games. Hot, beachy and exotic or high up, snowy and ski lodges, it makes no difference. Without all the usual distractions and trigger points it will get the focus of your relationship back where it belongs -- on each other. Thus it should be longer than just a week. Hell it will take him a week to get his head out of game mode.

If he won't go, leave him.

Guys get this into video games usually for one reason.... escapism. What might he be either consciously or unconsciously wanting to escape from in his life? Has the therapist asked him that or explored it?

By the way, what specific games is he most into playing? Titles please. Whatever it is that he's playing 60+ hours a week it must be a badass game. :D

By the way Nikkayyyy have you seen this thread?...

http://www.gofuckyourself.com/showthread.php?t=947204

you shut up and let him do what he wants..carry on

we gave women equal rights, the same jobs as guys, the same money, for fucking fucks sake let us keep our video games and move the fuck on

rofl, moonstruck and PMS ... i play every now and then ... www.nitrome.com is a neat way to distract from work every now and then :thumbsup

Straight up you should only be messing with guys like me 6'3 athletic and a cock that goes deeper than sammy sosa.

im outgoing and fun, and i will put up with your bitchyness by giving you a good pounding.

what you need is a real man. just make sure your "xbox boy" knows you are about to fall in love with a REAL MAN. ME.

if you want to be treated like a real independent woman and want a real man to rock your world like fucking woodstock contact me.

Could be he's really competitive. For me it's the competitive aspect of shooters like MW2 that suck me in.

But in reality, 20 hours a week is not a lot. Most average people watch 10-20 hours of movies or TV a week. So if you don't watch TV and instead play video games, there is really no difference.

i think you are mixing the words competitive and loser up?

COMPETITIVE you go shoot hoops with the boys.

LOSER stays home and plays video games with his cock in one hand and controller in the other.

heres a friggin hint GET A LIFE.

Having actually known you and your guy from SF, I'd say you should make him break the habbit of video games. On the first day in SF you could definitely tell he was out of place and a little uncomfortable which is normal for our parties, but by the last night he was having a great time and trying tons of new things. I'd suggest to keep it up, get him to be very social and keep him busy with other activities, going out, parties, friends, etc. I used to be a big gamer and these days I don't even own an XBox or PS3 as I don't want to waste my time on games anymore. It'll take a while since he's obviously comfortable in his games, but over a few weeks he should start to appreciate other activities a lot more.

Hope this helps Dena!
WG

lol. I forgot you play the "bad boy" character here on gfy.

I race BMX bikes and downhill mountain bikes all summer. Ranked 14th last year nationally in my age group. But I guess "shooting hoops" is cooler, right?

I was watching an interview with Usain Bolt (fastest man on Earth) and he was saying one of his favorite things to do when not racing is playing video games on line. Truth is, competitive guys enjoy on line gaming.

Some people are just living in the past and think games are only for nerds, the same way people thought the internet was only for nerds a few years ago.

People who have to talk about their accomplishments normally dont have any and have to talk bigger about the very few things they are "good at".

BMX what are you 18? and yes i am a bad to the bone mofo.

why the fuck do i care wtf Usain Bolt does? if he sets another world record are you going to race to the track and suck his cock?