Is marriage really all that bad?
 

http://www.experienceproject.com/gro...ries.php?g=409

Good fucking Lord... I read through a handful of those stories and I'm pretty sure I've made the right decision to remain single lol.

Holy shit balls those stories are depressing!

No need to follow the link to answer that question.

Haha true.

After reading through that site, once you marry the love of your life, she will fuck your best friend, spend all your money, ruin your credit, get lazy, get fat, pump out 4 kids and you'll be left with 2 choices; suicide or getting ass raped in divorce court.

I have been married 18 yrs to a very lucky man.

And I finally trained him not to piss on my carpet.


Sabby:)

People should have to apply for a marriage license and be forced to wait 1 year. I bet that would help the divorce rate. :2 cents:

90% of people have similar experiences, the other 10% lie... :2 cents:

Familiarity breeds contempt.

Cinderella Story

Who knows! Maybe they're enjoying themselves by complaining...

Tiger just paid 100 million to get OUT of his, but I bet now he will enjoy his FREEDOM.


For some people it works...marriage that is

dj my favorite poster.

I haven't been married yet either, but I gather it's worth the war story to at least go through it once.

Here's how I understand the "marriage" thought processes....

Guys marry chicks because they want her to stay exactly the way she is at that moment, forever.

Chicks marry guys for what they want them to become. "Projects" that they can mold and shape and "fix" over time with proper beatings and exposure to Sandra Bullock flicks, into the the "perfect man". (or just for the money).

Both parties end up miserable because both goals are impossible. The chick is going to change guys. And ladies.... you can't change your man. Not without breaking his will altogether.

Wait until you are at least 25 and make sure she is at least 25, with no priors and no kids. Then you stand a chance.

Words of wisdom. :2 cents:

Whats going to happen when people start living to be 200 years old? Could you imagine the thought of living with the same person for 175 years?

Maybe being married to a miserable negative prick like you,no wonder you're single

I'm past that, closer to 35 than 25 now. I would like to get married before I hit 35 though. Single life is great, until you mature, then it's... not so hot.

I will take your advice not to rob from the cradle.

Personal tip, it's not so much about your age as it is about the length of time you invest in another person PRIOR to getting married. :2 cents:

That's exactly right, I myself have been with my woman for nearly 20 years now, we didn't get married until after being together for 10 of those years and in that time, in that time I learned everything I needed to know before taking the plunge.

I know soooo many people that just rush into things and in most cases, those marriages ended in divorce. My cousin married a girl before moving in, that's the worst mistake anyone could make because once he lived with her, he realized they just couldn't co-exist in the same house. Since then he's divorced that girl, rushed into another marriage and that one is in a divorce, now again he found "THE girl", so it won't be long before he's married a third time.

Marriage isn't bad at all if you're in it with the right person. I love my wife so much and could never see myself without her.

Why do people like Tiger even get married. That I'll never know.

I love being married. But I will also agree anything under 25 is nuts. You also have to be really really into each other.

I've seen tons of couples who were on and off finally get married that always ends in hell.

I guess it depends on a few factors...

he probably got married before he became successful... aren't you married yourself though?

Happily married people don't really post on the internet about how great their lives are though :2 cents:

Agreed! ;-)

If you don't marry and don't get kids, when you become OLD, you will feel very solitaire and when you become 70 or 80, and you are alone (because all your friends were friends to use you and your money) then you will maybe want to die, because nobody cares about you, you have no children, no wife, nothing.... so sad... nobody will remember your existence when you die because you left nothing... nobody...

Even if you are a 50 year old RETRO Hippie who didn't grow up and you still feel young, because you are drive your bike... soon or late you will be hit by depression for feeling alone... Even if you decide to travel to Thailand when you become 60, following the american dream adopted during Vietnam War of old suckers gettign young asian women... even if that... you will be a solitaire dog... remember.

All said.

.

I love my girlfriend and can live like man and wife but as far as having a state enforced contract (marriage), no fucking way!! That is just stupid!!

My girl tried to pull a power move one time. It was 4 month after my daughter was born. She was upset because of my work schedule and how work was always first in my lists of priorities. She wanted me to change and i said no. I worked hard before we were together and im not gonna stop now.


She got upset and told me she was done and she was gonna leave me. i told her where the good luggage was, let her pack up some of her stuff, she took my daughter and left the house.

I showed no emotions and told her, "sorry you feel that way, here is some money and good luck to you and i hope you find your happiness". It was crushing inside, but could not let her see it effect me at all or it would seriously change the relationship dynamics. When women know what will fuck with you, they will use it to get you when they fight with you. Seen that shit happen to my friends often.


Being married to my girl, and my girl knowing she could take half of my shit on the way out would have really made for good amo in her argument or give her serious tools to really fuck my day up. keep in mind when women are pissed, they will go to extreme lengths to fuck with you. Taking half of your shit is one of these things.

I have had friends get their most prized possessions taken from them in divorces and given to their ex wife's new boyfriends. Harley Davidson motor cycles, sports cars, Rolex watches, tools, jet skis, etc. Seen grown men cry over that shit too.

OJ Simpson payed his Ex wife 22K per month and gave up half his shit. OJ saw his ex wife's boy toy driving his car, living off of his money and went ape shit and killed both of them. Not saying its right, but some men in that situation can definitely understand the anger and frustration of getting hosed in a divorce.




Long story short, i played it cool for two days, did not raise my voice and was really relaxed for this whole "im leaving you" crap. My girlfriend came to her senses and realized that im not gonna change and i don't play games. Needless to say, that was the last argument or fight we ever had.


When you pay all of the bills, all of the cars are in your name, the house is in your name, your girl does not have to work at all and you 2 are not legally married, your girl is less likely to try and fight with you or fuck with you. She may push one time and on that one time, you let her go with out fighting with her, you will have a drama free existence from then on with your mate.


If you really want to fuck your relationship up, get married. First year law school made me see marriage for what it really was. A seriously flawed one sided contract. Fuck that!!



Only one exception to this "don't get married rule". If the girl has way more than you and you don't have to work, get married. I have had a 3 friends in that position.:thumbsup

that would be a good chick flick "the project."

Nice to see some trust there. :Oh crap


I still believe in marriage. I look at my parents as role-models. They have been married for 30+ years, have had quite a few children and are still together, and more importantly are still happy. Everyone has their ups and downs, it seems to me a case of working through them.


Ultimately though the phrase, "can't polish a turd" comes to mind. If you don't pick the right person and accept them, then you can't really expect much out of it. My parents knew each other for less than a year before they got married. There was no question of them shacking up for 10 years to try each other out. They had trust and faith that it was going to work out, and its been rewarded.

Dave,

I agree with most of what you have said here.

BUT as a son of a father who provided everything from a financial standpoint but nothing from an emotional standpoint, I will disagree.

Money is great, putting a roof over a head is great, and making sure there is food on the table is great. But doing all that and missing out on the basics of a childs life is SHIT.

Keep in mind that this is coming from someone who has chosen to never get married and never have children. (Explain more about that later)

I once had a conversation with my dad, I simply told him that my sister and I didn't care about money, we just wanted him to be there when it mattered. Soccer game, Hockey game, Theater project, etc.

Women give unconditionally to their child and will sacrifice time and selfish thoughts, to be their when the above things happen, because they look at the child as being first. Men look at being the provider as their number one goal.

In the end a child doesn't care about anything more than a mom and dad being their when shit matters most to the child. They don't care about fancy houses, cars, meals, etc. They want mommy and daddy to be their and spend time with them.

I personally am not willing to make that sacrifice and know that about myself, so I have chosen to not have children. Once a person choses to have children, that child should come first in all decisions, and to a child, time is far more important than money.

I am not here to tell you how you should or should not live your life, but I bet that if you really had a serious chat with your girl, your daughter would come to the forefront of the issue that brought about the entire situation that you describe above. Once again, I am not trying to tell you how to live your life, but in the end, you can make more money, but you can't make more TIME.

I have personally chosen to not get married and not have kids. I believe marriage is a flawed institution that has become a hallmark holiday. Watching people spend 10's of 1000's or 100's of 1000's of dollars on weddings has become completely insane. I am happy to say that I am with a woman now that I completely believe I am meant to be with, but we do not need court or state papers to tell us that.

With our relationship comes compromise, within the boundries of who each of us individually are, and understanding that we are who we are, but that we also have to understand that we are a working unit makes everything different. I still retain exactly who I am, but at the same time neither of us make decisions based on us being individual units, but yet decisions based upon us being a working partnership with goals aimed in the same direction.

Communication is key to all of the above. WIth out communication and unbiased listening, things, in my opinion, can fall apart quickly. A relationship is a partnership and should be treated as such. You won't always agree 100%, but in the end make sure both people are working as hard as possible toward the same goals, and you will alway come out ahead.

Check the laws in your area regarding defacto relationships - if you've been living together (and have a kid) then in the event of a split you may be considered to be effectively married anyway...

I dont know, I am guessing for every "marriage sux" there is a equal "gf dumped me she sux" or "I am so lonely what should i do?" story...

Same here... didn't even consider marriage again until we had been together for over ten years. :thumbsup

one simple word: YES

sounds like a good way to avoid a few problems, but there are still so many things that can go wrong... :D

Are you guys still complaining?

Thats great that things have worked out for you and yours. Glad to see a happy ending with your story.


But we in the US, have a 90% divorce rate. I bet that 100% of this 90% of divorced people really trusted each other at one time. I will also guarantee that all of these people thought that their situation was special and that they were all truly in love and love will conquer all. Is there that many stupid people out there? Really??

I hate to say it, but you need to treat marriage as a business arrangement with a serious look at the contracts before signing up.


I am a firm believer of planning for the worst and hope for the best.:2 cents:



Agreed.


So right on so many levels.



So right once again.


This thread hits home for me on a few levels. I dont want to be that deuchbag dad and yet i want to be the good provider. Its a very fine line.


I made my above post at about 2am. Had more to say but was very tired.


I have made a few mistakes being a father. Luckily i realized what they were and how to remedy them very early on. My mistakes really hit home when my son was born 3 weeks ago.

I had to cancel all of my work and take care of my 2 1/2 year old daughter for 6 days strait. This is when i found out how much i really did not know about being a good dad and how good of a mother my girlfriend really is.


Man this was a real eye opener. Things have forever changed after those six days. Fortunately for me, i saw the error of my ways just prior to that event. Those days tested my daddy skills and really clarified what is really important and what is not. Seems that proper balance between being an active dad and being a provider is the key.

I now make time for my daughter in many different ways. My girlfriend is awesome at planning things for us to do as a family and when i am busy or slipping up, she kindly points out when and what i need to do, to be that better father. And that is never an argument or disagreement. I have learned that a good family is team work.


As for fighting with my girlfriend, we actually never fight. one fight in 4 years isnt bad. We get along great and share the same jagged sense of humor and have the same interests. I love her and all she has done as a mate and as a mother. Furthermore, I trust and agree with all of her parenting choices and child guidance directions. Why fuck it all up with marriage?



I 100% Agree with you. I feel that not having a marriage keeps everything on the level with nothing in the background affecting the current disagreement or arguments outcome.


Way ahead of you on that. I know what common law marriage is and i know the rules governing my particular situation.

The end of my 1st year of law school contracts class, is when i read the "the Maglite case" it is what seriously hit home for me. This case was about a 20 year relationship, with out marriage, that ended with the girlfriend getting half his shit when they broke up. This set the president for "Palimony". I know all the ends and outs of this case and others like it.

Not worried.:2 cents: