My First Hemorrhoid - GoFuckYourself.com

garce · 03-27-2011, 06:23 PM

This is a bit embarrassing - but I've embarrassed myself at GFY on numerous occasions over the last ten years, so who cares?

I'm 47 years old, and I have finally gotten a hemorrhoid I can call my own. I used to think hemorrhoids were funny. SON OF A BITCH! This is a pain in the ass. I can't even shift my weight at my desk without having this tiny - yet fleshy - bundle of nerves shoot pain up my spine.

My doctor thought it was funny, too. He recommended I try Prescription H. Har har. Doesn't fucking work!

I want it gone NOW. I'm thinking a pair of tweezers and a lighter will work.

Helix · 03-27-2011, 06:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by garce

This is a bit embarrassing - but I've embarrassed myself at GFY on numerous occasions over the last ten years, so who cares?

I'm 47 years old, and I have finally gotten a hemorrhoid I can call my own. I used to think hemorrhoids were funny. SON OF A BITCH! This is a pain in the ass. I can't even shift my weight at my desk without having this tiny - yet fleshy - bundle of nerves shoot pain up my spine.

My doctor thought it was funny, too. He recommended I try Prescription H. Har har. Doesn't fucking work!

I want it gone NOW. I'm thinking a pair of tweezers and a lighter will work.

Use a cannabis based salve. It will reduce the inflammation and stop the pain.

SIK · 03-27-2011, 06:38 PM

congratz to the winners

CaptainHowdy · 03-27-2011, 06:41 PM

It's your "not gay" certification ...

bushwacker · 03-27-2011, 06:48 PM

Links pulled!

Spunky · 03-27-2011, 06:49 PM

Get a pillow with a hole in the middle so you can sit

MaDalton · 03-27-2011, 06:52 PM

go to a real doctor, get it removed. surgically. go early. dont wait till it gets worse. thank me later

~Ray · 03-27-2011, 07:28 PM

you have to sit with your knees equal to or slightly lower than your butt, it will be gone in less than a week if you do.

butt lower than knees while sitting = hemorroids , ask any trucker.

$5 submissions · 03-27-2011, 07:30 PM

I stopped having hemorrhoids when I switched to eating more oatmeal for breakfast.

Not only did my rrhoids disappear, I also lost 50 pounds when I went on a low carb / high protein veg diet.

candyflip · 03-27-2011, 07:59 PM

The only way to take care of them is to have them removed. If a doctor says, "we don't remove them anymore"...find one who does.

Trust me on this one. I have major colorectal issues and they all started right where you are starting now.

DirtyDanza · 03-27-2011, 07:59 PM

push it back in... trust me it works

F-U-Jimmy · 03-27-2011, 08:27 PM

Get your woman to chew it off, it will bleed a lot but that stops in about a month or two

DangerX !!! · 03-27-2011, 08:39 PM

This thread is useless without pics!

Chosen · 03-27-2011, 08:40 PM

Thanks for letting us know...

jesse_adultdatingdollars · 03-27-2011, 09:21 PM

this thread stinks LOL

Spunky · 03-27-2011, 09:29 PM

You are no way near surgery just yet lol,drink lots of water and more fiber in your diet.try getting internal bleeding hemorrhoids for awhile.you would think you were dying

BJ · 03-27-2011, 11:20 PM

Never had a hemrhoid, but i will tell you what I do have. I get pilonidal cysts, you can read about them http://www.pointsincase.com/articles...of_my_tail.htm

Anyways, Its basically a cyst in your buttcrack. Some people are born with it. Its re-occurring. It is terribly painful and can get the size of a golf ball making it impossible to even stand up straight.

Theres not much you can do about it aside from waiting for the thing to explode in all its creamy-bloody glory. Its disgusting.

I had surgery on it a few years ago and that alleviated the thing ever returning to the size of a golf ball but its still annoying when it comes back and if it happens to pop while your out somewhere it makes it appear you shit your pants.

Thought I would share

onwebcam · 03-27-2011, 11:46 PM

Had one bad for quite awhile.. A part of getting old I guess.. And sitting in a office chair all day doesn't help. And yes the most embarrassing part is if something happens when your out. And it usually does. I agree with the elevated knees part. My chair reclines and I always keep my legs/knees up.. I've heard of the circular pillow as well but didn't get one. I thought surgery was going to have to happen as well but I think I've finally got it gone..

Intrinsic · 03-27-2011, 11:57 PM

ottopottomouse · 03-28-2011, 03:36 AM

Chosen · 03-28-2011, 04:00 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ottopottomouse

Looks scary

Davy · 03-28-2011, 04:05 AM

Congrats, I guess...

CurrentlySober · 03-28-2011, 04:10 AM

Sit in a shallow bath of warm water for 20 mins, 2 or 3 times a day - Apply Prep H or anusol after each session..

seeandsee · 03-28-2011, 04:13 AM

Buy those mini rockets and stick it in your ass

SGS · 03-28-2011, 04:25 AM

RadicalSights · 03-28-2011, 04:34 AM

Did you drink alot of alcohol and eat processed foods when your were young?

http://ezinearticles.com/?How-Do-You...oids?&id=29837

Take care of your body.... and it wont start to fall apart after 40.

GatorB · 03-28-2011, 04:38 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by candyflip

I have major colorectal issues.

an asshole with asshole issues. Go figure.

Angry Jew Cat - Banned for Life · 03-28-2011, 05:14 AM

congrats to the winners...

03-28-2011, 05:19 AM

unlucky, not looking forward to potentially getting on of those... in 20 years+ :P

HomerSimpson · 03-28-2011, 05:27 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CaptainHowdy

It's your "not gay" certification ...

candyflip · 03-28-2011, 05:29 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by GatorB

an asshole with asshole issues. Go figure.

That's exactly what I say all the time too.

k0nr4d · 03-28-2011, 05:40 AM

congratulations. you should crack open a bottle of hemorrhoid champagne!

ajrocks · 03-28-2011, 05:49 AM

It's a big day! Enjoy! It won't last forever so spend every minute that you can with it before its gone.

nikki99 · 03-28-2011, 05:52 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bushwacker

Links pulled!

03-27-2011, 06:23 PM	#1
garce Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Oct 2001 Location: Toronto Posts: 7,103	My First Hemorrhoid This is a bit embarrassing - but I've embarrassed myself at GFY on numerous occasions over the last ten years, so who cares? I'm 47 years old, and I have finally gotten a hemorrhoid I can call my own. I used to think hemorrhoids were funny. SON OF A BITCH! This is a pain in the ass. I can't even shift my weight at my desk without having this tiny - yet fleshy - bundle of nerves shoot pain up my spine. My doctor thought it was funny, too. He recommended I try Prescription H. Har har. Doesn't fucking work! I want it gone NOW. I'm thinking a pair of tweezers and a lighter will work.

03-27-2011, 06:38 PM	#3
SIK Confirmed User Join Date: Dec 2006 Posts: 1,497	congratz to the winners __________________ ¤´¨) ¸.•´¸.•´¨) ¸.•¨) (¸.•´ (¸.•`¤ICQ:491 496 482

03-27-2011, 06:41 PM	#4
CaptainHowdy Too lazy to set a custom title Industry Role: Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: Happy in the dark. Posts: 93,395	It's your "not gay" certification ... __________________ "Tjeezers.cam wishes you a nice day” Last edited by CaptainHowdy; 03-27-2011 at 06:44 PM..

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03-27-2011, 06:52 PM	#7
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03-27-2011, 06:48 PM	#5
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03-27-2011, 07:28 PM	#8
~Ray visit hardlinks.org Industry Role: Join Date: Jun 2003 Location: Las Vegas , Nv >>> [email protected] or icq 94994627 anytime Posts: 18,362	you have to sit with your knees equal to or slightly lower than your butt, it will be gone in less than a week if you do. butt lower than knees while sitting = hemorroids , ask any trucker. __________________ Adult Backlinks for Adult Websites - Testimonials Available

03-27-2011, 07:30 PM	#9
$5 submissions I help you SUCCEED Industry Role: Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: The Pearl of the Orient Seas Posts: 32,195	I stopped having hemorrhoids when I switched to eating more oatmeal for breakfast. Not only did my rrhoids disappear, I also lost 50 pounds when I went on a low carb / high protein veg diet. __________________ Need a NON-ADULT income stream? We build your YOUTUBE CHANNEL for only $20 per video! For Hire: $3/hour or $400 per month Marketing Specialist Virtual Assistants

03-27-2011, 07:59 PM	#10
candyflip Carpe Visio Industry Role: Join Date: Jul 2002 Location: New York Posts: 43,061	The only way to take care of them is to have them removed. If a doctor says, "we don't remove them anymore"...find one who does. Trust me on this one. I have major colorectal issues and they all started right where you are starting now. __________________ Spend you some brain. Email Me

03-27-2011, 07:59 PM	#11
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03-27-2011, 08:27 PM	#12
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03-27-2011, 08:39 PM	#13
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03-27-2011, 08:40 PM	#14
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03-27-2011, 09:21 PM	#15
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03-27-2011, 09:29 PM	#16
Spunky I need a beer Industry Role: Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: ♠ Toiletville ♠ Posts: 133,934	You are no way near surgery just yet lol,drink lots of water and more fiber in your diet.try getting internal bleeding hemorrhoids for awhile.you would think you were dying __________________ *YOUR INFORMATION HERE*

03-27-2011, 11:20 PM	#17
BJ Confirmed User Join Date: Mar 2002 Location: asia Posts: 5,590	Never had a hemrhoid, but i will tell you what I do have. I get pilonidal cysts, you can read about them http://www.pointsincase.com/articles...of_my_tail.htm Anyways, Its basically a cyst in your buttcrack. Some people are born with it. Its re-occurring. It is terribly painful and can get the size of a golf ball making it impossible to even stand up straight. Theres not much you can do about it aside from waiting for the thing to explode in all its creamy-bloody glory. Its disgusting. I had surgery on it a few years ago and that alleviated the thing ever returning to the size of a golf ball but its still annoying when it comes back and if it happens to pop while your out somewhere it makes it appear you shit your pants. Thought I would share

03-27-2011, 11:46 PM	#18
onwebcam Fake Nick 1.0 Industry Role: Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: Rent free, your head Posts: 27,660	Had one bad for quite awhile.. A part of getting old I guess.. And sitting in a office chair all day doesn't help. And yes the most embarrassing part is if something happens when your out. And it usually does. I agree with the elevated knees part. My chair reclines and I always keep my legs/knees up.. I've heard of the circular pillow as well but didn't get one. I thought surgery was going to have to happen as well but I think I've finally got it gone.. __________________ PLEASE WAIT WHILE BIDEN ADMIN UNINSTALLS ITSELF..... ██████████████████▒ 99.5% complete. Last edited by onwebcam; 03-27-2011 at 11:48 PM..

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03-28-2011, 03:36 AM	#20
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03-28-2011, 05:19 AM	#29
Altwebdesign Guest Posts: n/a	unlucky, not looking forward to potentially getting on of those... in 20 years+ :P

03-28-2011, 05:40 AM	#32
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03-28-2011, 05:49 AM	#33
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