Is marriage really all that bad?

[BigDeanEvans]

http://www.experienceproject.com/gro...ries.php?g=409

Good fucking Lord... I read through a handful of those stories and I'm pretty sure I've made the right decision to remain single lol.

Holy shit balls those stories are depressing!

[baddog]

No need to follow the link to answer that question.

[BigDeanEvans]

Originally Posted by baddog

No need to follow the link to answer that question.

Haha true.

After reading through that site, once you marry the love of your life, she will fuck your best friend, spend all your money, ruin your credit, get lazy, get fat, pump out 4 kids and you'll be left with 2 choices; suicide or getting ass raped in divorce court.

[Sabby]

I have been married 18 yrs to a very lucky man.

And I finally trained him not to piss on my carpet.


Sabby

[BigDeanEvans]

People should have to apply for a marriage license and be forced to wait 1 year. I bet that would help the divorce rate.

I am married to a cross between Roseanne, Joan Rivers, Howard Stern and Dracula. When we first got together, the sex was insane and we laughed all the time. What I thought were "quirks" are, I now realize, deep-seated emotional problems. On the one hand she's very bright, extremely creative and is a whiz at decorating and cooking. On the other, she's a real pig - whatever she takes off, she leaves right there. Horrible housekeeper, with no respect for the person living with her. Filthy sink all the time - we have a lot of expensive furniture, art, some great pieces, but the kitchen and bathroom look like subway restrooms - unless I clean them. I can't remember her ever cleaning the tub, or the toilet, or mopping the bathroom or kitchen floor. I have to tell her to clean the frig every few months, or penicillin grows rapidly. Very immature - it's like living with a 13 year-old who acts like your mother.

She's lazy. She grew up with Chihuahua's - I now live with 7 Chihuahua's - little yapping monsters and I'm surrounded with urine and feces in my beautiful home. She won't spend any time training them, but she will sit on the couch for hours watching "Dog Whisperer," "Chef," "America's Next Whatever," and "American Idol." She will cry over people being sent home, almos as easily as she will cry if I ask her to hang up her clothes and put away her bras and panties left out for all to see. I spend half my time picking up after her, the other half mopping up after these little rats. I said I spend A LOT OF TIME picking up after and cleaning up after her.

She's the most opinionated person I've ever met - she hates all the world and everyone in it, except two or three people she looks up to. And she turns her laser sighting on them sometimes too. She complains about her mother, her sister, her father, her stepmother all the time - if she was like this growing up, no wonder they hate her. People on TV, the clerk, the priest, the cop, the neighbor, my God - just everyman walking down the street, she's got a complaint about him, too - *****, *****, *****! Every relationship she gets into ends in disaster - work, friends, family. She gets in there, lights a stick of dynamite, watches everything blow up, and then cries like a little ***** when you call her on her part in it.

She is never wrong. And if you criticize her, somehow you have violated her civil rights, her very right to exist. Everything is a drama with her. For the first two years, every discussion became an argument that ended in tears. I know now she has had emotional problems and a history of mis-diagnosis and inappropriate and over-medication (anti-depressives, etc.) and it ruined her.

Control freak? When it got serious between us, when she felt safe enough to "let the cat out," I couldn't drive 2 miles without her giving driving lessons - "change lanes, drive faster, drive slower, park here, look out." I have literally had to shout at her like a madman to snap her back to reality. She thinks she knows everything about everything, and in reality, she knows about only a very few things, and is clueless about most. That doesn't stop her from expressing her very strong opinion. She wants everyone and everything to stand just so, move just so and "do and say the following."

I've never met anyone like her. She's the one you would be booing in a sitcom. And yet I've come to believe that if I pack up and leave her, she might do something... unpleasant to herself, and I can't have that on my conscience.

One thing I knew when I got involved, is that she would be faithful to me. I got screwed over by cheating, lying, stealing chicks in the past and I think that's mostly what I had my radar up for, ignoring the rest of it. I know she's loyal, and I am too - that had always been a problem for me in the past, but no more, that doesn't solve anything, just makes it 10 times worse. But is it worth it to have a loyal wife who is also a soul killer?

I'm getting tired just writing and reading this crap. I'm upset my life is turning out this way. I know I need to make a move, but I don't want to really hurt her. I know that, with her limited capacity, she loves me, but she's so wrapped up in herself, it's hardly worth it. Now I'm getting pissed off, I'd better stop now.

[woj]

90% of people have similar experiences, the other 10% lie...

[xmas13]

http://tinyurl.com/367fzxl

[Amputate Your Head]

Familiarity breeds contempt.

[BigDeanEvans]

Cinderella Story

Women believe that movies and books are real. This is most obvious in their perception of the "romantic comedy" genre aka "chick flick". Of course most of them don't believe the actual actors are being filmed in a reality production showing a slice of an actual relationship. What they do believe is that what is being presented on screen is the pinnacle of male-female relationships and that they and every one around them should pattern their lives like what they see or read : role models. If the guy in their life doesn't act like that on-screen dipsh*t every single day of their lives together, they are dissatisfied.

The plots usually involve an irresistible female lead with a heart of gold and a strong male lead who gets turned into a "mangina" little omega-male by her ravishing awesomeness and throws away his life, bank account, aspirations, career, sanity, health and good judgement just to be in her presence.

What is the woman's reaction to this self-destructive male? Outwardly she may laugh and say it isn't reality. But inwardly , you can bet your last dollar ( if some woman hasn't spent it yet) she <b>CRAVES</b> this kind of martyrdom and worship from men. This is normal female behavior which is the origin of most female-oriented entertainment,chick flicks, Disney movies, soap operas, fairy tales throughout history.

The really crazy part is that for women, they want the first few weeks of romantic chasing to repeat everyday even after marriage. Modern women are still looking for Prince Charming within minutes of their weddings. This is the source of most sexless marriages ; the wife is still playing 'hard-to-get' even after she has been gotten! How fkn ridiculous is that? Why does she play these silly games? Because the only part of the male-female relationship that the modern female will accept is the courtship phase when she can act faux independently and have the male chase her. Because she can't accept a submissive role as wife to her husband , her life is miserable after the marriage and she tries to "re-create" the "magic" of being pursued by the male and showered with gifts over and over and over. This is the source of Valentine's Day, Mother's Day and the freakin 2 week long 'birthdays' that most women seem to get these days.

Males competing for female attention is also a natural thing. But what has happened is that women stopped asking themselves what kind of woman attracts a real man .Because of stubborn unnatural pride ,they have settled for weak-males, abusers,philanderers, or loneliness rather than submit to a good man and reap the benefits.

If you look at the Cinderella story in it's original form it is a classic example of a woman overcoming inter-female back-biting , bitchiness, faux independence and the herd mentality by submitting herself to a man according to the natural order and consequently being rewarded at every turn.

Unfortunately, the Cinderella story in fantasy and consequently reality( because women believe in the Cinderella story as it applies to reality) has been twisted and distorted to fit the unnatural paradigm women have slipped into over the last 90 years. Mangina actor's guild chief Hugh Grant as the bumbling skirt-chasing fkn moron "Prince Charming" , Sara Jessica Parker as the obnoxious Cindi (with an 'i') Rella looking to catch ,castrate and wedge some poor jerk into her life somewhere between shopping , drinking and whoring around and OPRAH ! as the fairy god-mother giving glass slippers to all today's audience members.

What has changed is instead of appreciating a female role where the female submits herself to be lifted up by a man out of a low status into a higher position and being taken care of the rest of her days, women now want "irresistible independent mouthy uncouth graceless female lead b*tch characters with incredibly successful careers". This is their <i>choice</i> in fantasy and for role models in reality (which for women is the same) .

This is why women are always dissatisfied; they set not only impossible standards for men, but standards that men want nothing to do with and conflict directly with men's own natural behavior and their standards for themselves . At the same time women have NO such legendary expectations of their own behavior. The double-standard that women have is staggering. It must be some sort of defense mechanism that allows them all to avoid being crushed by their own hypocrisy.

Reality Check : Do they believe that men think to themselves "wow, nothing like an independent icy-career b*tch (a la 'Sex in the City')to get my man-juices flowing".

Men find honor in responsibility, duty and strength.

Women should find honor in submission, caring and grace.

But not the modern American single gal.

They trumpet " I will never submit to a MAN! " "I don't NEED no MAN !", write stage plays about finding female strength in talking to their genitalia , demand special treatment to make them "feel" equal to men loudly and proudly in public while privately drinking and taking their meds for depression and neurosis ,and wondering and wailing about "why they can't get or keep a good man".

Pride before the fall.

[CaptainHowdy]

Who knows! Maybe they're enjoying themselves by complaining...

[Big Red Machine]

Tiger just paid 100 million to get OUT of his, but I bet now he will enjoy his FREEDOM.


For some people it works...marriage that is

[Agent 488]

dj my favorite poster.

[Amputate Your Head]

[Sergio Payingsolutions]

I haven't been married yet either, but I gather it's worth the war story to at least go through it once.

[Amputate Your Head]

Here's how I understand the "marriage" thought processes....

Guys marry chicks because they want her to stay exactly the way she is at that moment, forever.

Chicks marry guys for what they want them to become. "Projects" that they can mold and shape and "fix" over time with proper beatings and exposure to Sandra Bullock flicks, into the the "perfect man". (or just for the money).

Both parties end up miserable because both goals are impossible. The chick is going to change guys. And ladies.... you can't change your man. Not without breaking his will altogether.

[baddog]

Originally Posted by sbaldis

I haven't been married yet either, but I gather it's worth the war story to at least go through it once.

Wait until you are at least 25 and make sure she is at least 25, with no priors and no kids. Then you stand a chance.

[VladS]

Originally Posted by baddog

Wait until you are at least 25 and make sure she is at least 25, with no priors and no kids. Then you stand a chance.

Words of wisdom.

[ThunderBalls]

Whats going to happen when people start living to be 200 years old? Could you imagine the thought of living with the same person for 175 years?

[Spunky]

Maybe being married to a miserable negative prick like you,no wonder you're single

[Sergio Payingsolutions]

Originally Posted by baddog

Wait until you are at least 25 and make sure she is at least 25, with no priors and no kids. Then you stand a chance.

I'm past that, closer to 35 than 25 now. I would like to get married before I hit 35 though. Single life is great, until you mature, then it's... not so hot.

I will take your advice not to rob from the cradle.

[Amputate Your Head]

Personal tip, it's not so much about your age as it is about the length of time you invest in another person PRIOR to getting married.

[Slick]

Originally Posted by Amputate Your Head

Personal tip, it's not so much about your age as it is about the length of time you invest in another person PRIOR to getting married.

That's exactly right, I myself have been with my woman for nearly 20 years now, we didn't get married until after being together for 10 of those years and in that time, in that time I learned everything I needed to know before taking the plunge.

I know soooo many people that just rush into things and in most cases, those marriages ended in divorce. My cousin married a girl before moving in, that's the worst mistake anyone could make because once he lived with her, he realized they just couldn't co-exist in the same house. Since then he's divorced that girl, rushed into another marriage and that one is in a divorce, now again he found "THE girl", so it won't be long before he's married a third time.

Marriage isn't bad at all if you're in it with the right person. I love my wife so much and could never see myself without her.

[Semi-Retired-Dave]

Originally Posted by Big Red Machine

Tiger just paid 100 million to get OUT of his, but I bet now he will enjoy his FREEDOM.


For some people it works...marriage that is

Why do people like Tiger even get married. That I'll never know.

[heymatty]

I love being married. But I will also agree anything under 25 is nuts. You also have to be really really into each other.

I've seen tons of couples who were on and off finally get married that always ends in hell.

[Chosen]

I guess it depends on a few factors...

[woj]

Originally Posted by CyberAge-Dave

Why do people like Tiger even get married. That I'll never know.

he probably got married before he became successful... aren't you married yourself though?

[fuzebox]

Happily married people don't really post on the internet about how great their lives are though

[fitzmulti]

Originally Posted by baddog

No need to follow the link to answer that question.

Agreed! ;-)

[Argos88]

If you don't marry and don't get kids, when you become OLD, you will feel very solitaire and when you become 70 or 80, and you are alone (because all your friends were friends to use you and your money) then you will maybe want to die, because nobody cares about you, you have no children, no wife, nothing.... so sad... nobody will remember your existence when you die because you left nothing... nobody...

Even if you are a 50 year old RETRO Hippie who didn't grow up and you still feel young, because you are drive your bike... soon or late you will be hit by depression for feeling alone... Even if you decide to travel to Thailand when you become 60, following the american dream adopted during Vietnam War of old suckers gettign young asian women... even if that... you will be a solitaire dog... remember.

All said.

.

[JustDaveXxx]

I love my girlfriend and can live like man and wife but as far as having a state enforced contract (marriage), no fucking way!! That is just stupid!!

My girl tried to pull a power move one time. It was 4 month after my daughter was born. She was upset because of my work schedule and how work was always first in my lists of priorities. She wanted me to change and i said no. I worked hard before we were together and im not gonna stop now.


She got upset and told me she was done and she was gonna leave me. i told her where the good luggage was, let her pack up some of her stuff, she took my daughter and left the house.

I showed no emotions and told her, "sorry you feel that way, here is some money and good luck to you and i hope you find your happiness". It was crushing inside, but could not let her see it effect me at all or it would seriously change the relationship dynamics. When women know what will fuck with you, they will use it to get you when they fight with you. Seen that shit happen to my friends often.


Being married to my girl, and my girl knowing she could take half of my shit on the way out would have really made for good amo in her argument or give her serious tools to really fuck my day up. keep in mind when women are pissed, they will go to extreme lengths to fuck with you. Taking half of your shit is one of these things.

I have had friends get their most prized possessions taken from them in divorces and given to their ex wife's new boyfriends. Harley Davidson motor cycles, sports cars, Rolex watches, tools, jet skis, etc. Seen grown men cry over that shit too.

OJ Simpson payed his Ex wife 22K per month and gave up half his shit. OJ saw his ex wife's boy toy driving his car, living off of his money and went ape shit and killed both of them. Not saying its right, but some men in that situation can definitely understand the anger and frustration of getting hosed in a divorce.




Long story short, i played it cool for two days, did not raise my voice and was really relaxed for this whole "im leaving you" crap. My girlfriend came to her senses and realized that im not gonna change and i don't play games. Needless to say, that was the last argument or fight we ever had.


When you pay all of the bills, all of the cars are in your name, the house is in your name, your girl does not have to work at all and you 2 are not legally married, your girl is less likely to try and fight with you or fuck with you. She may push one time and on that one time, you let her go with out fighting with her, you will have a drama free existence from then on with your mate.


If you really want to fuck your relationship up, get married. First year law school made me see marriage for what it really was. A seriously flawed one sided contract. Fuck that!!



Only one exception to this "don't get married rule". If the girl has way more than you and you don't have to work, get married. I have had a 3 friends in that position.

[Agent 488]

Originally Posted by Amputate Your Head

Here's how I understand the "marriage" thought processes....

Guys marry chicks because they want her to stay exactly the way she is at that moment, forever.

Chicks marry guys for what they want them to become. "Projects" that they can mold and shape and "fix" over time with proper beatings and exposure to Sandra Bullock flicks, into the the "perfect man". (or just for the money).

Both parties end up miserable because both goals are impossible. The chick is going to change guys. And ladies.... you can't change your man. Not without breaking his will altogether.

that would be a good chick flick "the project."

[damnage]

Originally Posted by JustDaveXxx

I love my girlfriend and can live like man and wife but as far as having a state enforced contract (marriage), no fucking way!! That is just stupid!!

My girl tried to pull a power move one time. It was 4 month after my daughter was born. She was upset because of my work schedule and how work was always first in my lists of priorities. She wanted me to change and i said no. I worked hard before we were together and im not gonna stop now.


She got upset and told me she was done and she was gonna leave me. i told her where the good luggage was, let her pack up some of her stuff, she took my daughter and left the house.

I showed no emotions and told her, "sorry you feel that way, here is some money and good luck to you and i hope you find your happiness". It was crushing inside, but could not let her see it effect me at all or it would seriously change the relationship dynamics. When women know what will fuck with you, they will use it to get you when they fight with you. Seen that shit happen to my friends often.


Being married to my girl, and my girl knowing she could take half of my shit on the way out would have really made for good amo in her argument or give her serious tools to really fuck my day up. keep in mind when women are pissed, they will go to extreme lengths to fuck with you. Taking half of your shit is one of these things.

I have had friends get their most prized possessions taken from them in divorces and given to their ex wife's new boyfriends. Harley Davidson motor cycles, sports cars, Rolex watches, tools, jet skis, etc. Seen grown men cry over that shit too.

OJ Simpson payed his Ex wife 22K per month and gave up half his shit. OJ saw his ex wife's boy toy driving his car, living off of his money and went ape shit and killed both of them. Not saying its right, but some men in that situation can definitely understand the anger and frustration of getting hosed in a divorce.




Long story short, i played it cool for two days, did not raise my voice and was really relaxed for this whole "im leaving you" crap. My girlfriend came to her senses and realized that im not gonna change and i don't play games. Needless to say, that was the last argument or fight we ever had.


When you pay all of the bills, all of the cars are in your name, the house is in your name, your girl does not have to work at all and you 2 are not legally married, your girl is less likely to try and fight with you or fuck with you. She may push one time and on that one time, you let her go with out fighting with her, you will have a drama free existence from then on with your mate.


If you really want to fuck your relationship up, get married. First year law school made me see marriage for what it really was. A seriously flawed one sided contract. Fuck that!!



Only one exception to this "don't get married rule". If the girl has way more than you and you don't have to work, get married. I have had a 3 friends in that position.

Nice to see some trust there.


I still believe in marriage. I look at my parents as role-models. They have been married for 30+ years, have had quite a few children and are still together, and more importantly are still happy. Everyone has their ups and downs, it seems to me a case of working through them.


Ultimately though the phrase, "can't polish a turd" comes to mind. If you don't pick the right person and accept them, then you can't really expect much out of it. My parents knew each other for less than a year before they got married. There was no question of them shacking up for 10 years to try each other out. They had trust and faith that it was going to work out, and its been rewarded.

[Eric]

Originally Posted by JustDaveXxx

I love my girlfriend and can live like man and wife but as far as having a state enforced contract (marriage), no fucking way!! That is just stupid!!

My girl tried to pull a power move one time. It was 4 month after my daughter was born. She was upset because of my work schedule and how work was always first in my lists of priorities. She wanted me to change and i said no. I worked hard before we were together and im not gonna stop now.


She got upset and told me she was done and she was gonna leave me. i told her where the good luggage was, let her pack up some of her stuff, she took my daughter and left the house.

I showed no emotions and told her, "sorry you feel that way, here is some money and good luck to you and i hope you find your happiness". It was crushing inside, but could not let her see it effect me at all or it would seriously change the relationship dynamics. When women know what will fuck with you, they will use it to get you when they fight with you. Seen that shit happen to my friends often.


Being married to my girl, and my girl knowing she could take half of my shit on the way out would have really made for good amo in her argument or give her serious tools to really fuck my day up. keep in mind when women are pissed, they will go to extreme lengths to fuck with you. Taking half of your shit is one of these things.

I have had friends get their most prized possessions taken from them in divorces and given to their ex wife's new boyfriends. Harley Davidson motor cycles, sports cars, Rolex watches, tools, jet skis, etc. Seen grown men cry over that shit too.

OJ Simpson payed his Ex wife 22K per month and gave up half his shit. OJ saw his ex wife's boy toy driving his car, living off of his money and went ape shit and killed both of them. Not saying its right, but some men in that situation can definitely understand the anger and frustration of getting hosed in a divorce.




Long story short, i played it cool for two days, did not raise my voice and was really relaxed for this whole "im leaving you" crap. My girlfriend came to her senses and realized that im not gonna change and i don't play games. Needless to say, that was the last argument or fight we ever had.


When you pay all of the bills, all of the cars are in your name, the house is in your name, your girl does not have to work at all and you 2 are not legally married, your girl is less likely to try and fight with you or fuck with you. She may push one time and on that one time, you let her go with out fighting with her, you will have a drama free existence from then on with your mate.


If you really want to fuck your relationship up, get married. First year law school made me see marriage for what it really was. A seriously flawed one sided contract. Fuck that!!



Only one exception to this "don't get married rule". If the girl has way more than you and you don't have to work, get married. I have had a 3 friends in that position.

Dave,

I agree with most of what you have said here.

BUT as a son of a father who provided everything from a financial standpoint but nothing from an emotional standpoint, I will disagree.

Money is great, putting a roof over a head is great, and making sure there is food on the table is great. But doing all that and missing out on the basics of a childs life is SHIT.

Keep in mind that this is coming from someone who has chosen to never get married and never have children. (Explain more about that later)

I once had a conversation with my dad, I simply told him that my sister and I didn't care about money, we just wanted him to be there when it mattered. Soccer game, Hockey game, Theater project, etc.

Women give unconditionally to their child and will sacrifice time and selfish thoughts, to be their when the above things happen, because they look at the child as being first. Men look at being the provider as their number one goal.

In the end a child doesn't care about anything more than a mom and dad being their when shit matters most to the child. They don't care about fancy houses, cars, meals, etc. They want mommy and daddy to be their and spend time with them.

I personally am not willing to make that sacrifice and know that about myself, so I have chosen to not have children. Once a person choses to have children, that child should come first in all decisions, and to a child, time is far more important than money.

I am not here to tell you how you should or should not live your life, but I bet that if you really had a serious chat with your girl, your daughter would come to the forefront of the issue that brought about the entire situation that you describe above. Once again, I am not trying to tell you how to live your life, but in the end, you can make more money, but you can't make more TIME.

I have personally chosen to not get married and not have kids. I believe marriage is a flawed institution that has become a hallmark holiday. Watching people spend 10's of 1000's or 100's of 1000's of dollars on weddings has become completely insane. I am happy to say that I am with a woman now that I completely believe I am meant to be with, but we do not need court or state papers to tell us that.

With our relationship comes compromise, within the boundries of who each of us individually are, and understanding that we are who we are, but that we also have to understand that we are a working unit makes everything different. I still retain exactly who I am, but at the same time neither of us make decisions based on us being individual units, but yet decisions based upon us being a working partnership with goals aimed in the same direction.

Communication is key to all of the above. WIth out communication and unbiased listening, things, in my opinion, can fall apart quickly. A relationship is a partnership and should be treated as such. You won't always agree 100%, but in the end make sure both people are working as hard as possible toward the same goals, and you will alway come out ahead.

[rowan]

Originally Posted by JustDaveXxx

Being married to my girl, and my girl knowing she could take half of my shit on the way out would have really made for good amo in her argument or give her serious tools to really fuck my day up. keep in mind when women are pissed, they will go to extreme lengths to fuck with you. Taking half of your shit is one of these things.

Check the laws in your area regarding defacto relationships - if you've been living together (and have a kid) then in the event of a split you may be considered to be effectively married anyway...

[adult-help]

I dont know, I am guessing for every "marriage sux" there is a equal "gf dumped me she sux" or "I am so lonely what should i do?" story...

[Amputate Your Head]

Originally Posted by Slick

That's exactly right, I myself have been with my woman for nearly 20 years now, we didn't get married until after being together for 10 of those years and in that time, in that time I learned everything I needed to know before taking the plunge.

I know soooo many people that just rush into things and in most cases, those marriages ended in divorce. My cousin married a girl before moving in, that's the worst mistake anyone could make because once he lived with her, he realized they just couldn't co-exist in the same house. Since then he's divorced that girl, rushed into another marriage and that one is in a divorce, now again he found "THE girl", so it won't be long before he's married a third time.

Marriage isn't bad at all if you're in it with the right person. I love my wife so much and could never see myself without her.

Same here... didn't even consider marriage again until we had been together for over ten years.

[ThumbLord]

one simple word: YES

[Raf1]

Originally Posted by baddog

Wait until you are at least 25 and make sure she is at least 25, with no priors and no kids. Then you stand a chance.

sounds like a good way to avoid a few problems, but there are still so many things that can go wrong... :D

[CaptainHowdy]

Are you guys still complaining?

[JustDaveXxx]

Originally Posted by damnage

Nice to see some trust there.


I still believe in marriage. I look at my parents as role-models. They have been married for 30+ years, have had quite a few children and are still together, and more importantly are still happy. Everyone has their ups and downs, it seems to me a case of working through them.

Thats great that things have worked out for you and yours. Glad to see a happy ending with your story.


But we in the US, have a 90% divorce rate. I bet that 100% of this 90% of divorced people really trusted each other at one time. I will also guarantee that all of these people thought that their situation was special and that they were all truly in love and love will conquer all. Is there that many stupid people out there? Really??

I hate to say it, but you need to treat marriage as a business arrangement with a serious look at the contracts before signing up.


I am a firm believer of planning for the worst and hope for the best.

Originally Posted by Eric

Dave,


Money is great, putting a roof over a head is great, and making sure there is food on the table is great. But doing all that and missing out on the basics of a childs life is SHIT.

Agreed.

Originally Posted by Eric

I once had a conversation with my dad, I simply told him that my sister and I didn't care about money, we just wanted him to be there when it mattered. Soccer game, Hockey game, Theater project, etc.

Women give unconditionally to their child and will sacrifice time and selfish thoughts, to be their when the above things happen, because they look at the child as being first. Men look at being the provider as their number one goal.

So right on so many levels.

Originally Posted by Eric

In the end a child doesn't care about anything more than a mom and dad being their when shit matters most to the child. They don't care about fancy houses, cars, meals, etc. They want mommy and daddy to be their and spend time with them.

So right once again.


This thread hits home for me on a few levels. I dont want to be that deuchbag dad and yet i want to be the good provider. Its a very fine line.


I made my above post at about 2am. Had more to say but was very tired.


I have made a few mistakes being a father. Luckily i realized what they were and how to remedy them very early on. My mistakes really hit home when my son was born 3 weeks ago.

I had to cancel all of my work and take care of my 2 1/2 year old daughter for 6 days strait. This is when i found out how much i really did not know about being a good dad and how good of a mother my girlfriend really is.


Man this was a real eye opener. Things have forever changed after those six days. Fortunately for me, i saw the error of my ways just prior to that event. Those days tested my daddy skills and really clarified what is really important and what is not. Seems that proper balance between being an active dad and being a provider is the key.

I now make time for my daughter in many different ways. My girlfriend is awesome at planning things for us to do as a family and when i am busy or slipping up, she kindly points out when and what i need to do, to be that better father. And that is never an argument or disagreement. I have learned that a good family is team work.


As for fighting with my girlfriend, we actually never fight. one fight in 4 years isnt bad. We get along great and share the same jagged sense of humor and have the same interests. I love her and all she has done as a mate and as a mother. Furthermore, I trust and agree with all of her parenting choices and child guidance directions. Why fuck it all up with marriage?

Originally Posted by Eric

I have personally chosen to not get married and not have kids. I believe marriage is a flawed institution that has become a hallmark holiday. Watching people spend 10's of 1000's or 100's of 1000's of dollars on weddings has become completely insane. I am happy to say that I am with a woman now that I completely believe I am meant to be with, but we do not need court or state papers to tell us that.

With our relationship comes compromise, within the boundries of who each of us individually are, and understanding that we are who we are, but that we also have to understand that we are a working unit makes everything different. I still retain exactly who I am, but at the same time neither of us make decisions based on us being individual units, but yet decisions based upon us being a working partnership with goals aimed in the same direction.

Communication is key to all of the above. WIth out communication and unbiased listening, things, in my opinion, can fall apart quickly. A relationship is a partnership and should be treated as such. You won't always agree 100%, but in the end make sure both people are working as hard as possible toward the same goals, and you will alway come out ahead.

I 100% Agree with you. I feel that not having a marriage keeps everything on the level with nothing in the background affecting the current disagreement or arguments outcome.

Originally Posted by rowan

Check the laws in your area regarding defacto relationships - if you've been living together (and have a kid) then in the event of a split you may be considered to be effectively married anyway...

Way ahead of you on that. I know what common law marriage is and i know the rules governing my particular situation.

The end of my 1st year of law school contracts class, is when i read the "the Maglite case" it is what seriously hit home for me. This case was about a 20 year relationship, with out marriage, that ended with the girlfriend getting half his shit when they broke up. This set the president for "Palimony". I know all the ends and outs of this case and others like it.

Not worried.

[corvette]

great comments here, eric/dave...getting married has always scared the hell out of me for some of the reasons stated above

[BlackCrayon]

Originally Posted by JustDaveXxx

I love my girlfriend and can live like man and wife but as far as having a state enforced contract (marriage), no fucking way!! That is just stupid!!

My girl tried to pull a power move one time. It was 4 month after my daughter was born. She was upset because of my work schedule and how work was always first in my lists of priorities. She wanted me to change and i said no. I worked hard before we were together and im not gonna stop now.


She got upset and told me she was done and she was gonna leave me. i told her where the good luggage was, let her pack up some of her stuff, she took my daughter and left the house.

I showed no emotions and told her, "sorry you feel that way, here is some money and good luck to you and i hope you find your happiness". It was crushing inside, but could not let her see it effect me at all or it would seriously change the relationship dynamics. When women know what will fuck with you, they will use it to get you when they fight with you. Seen that shit happen to my friends often.


Being married to my girl, and my girl knowing she could take half of my shit on the way out would have really made for good amo in her argument or give her serious tools to really fuck my day up. keep in mind when women are pissed, they will go to extreme lengths to fuck with you. Taking half of your shit is one of these things.

I have had friends get their most prized possessions taken from them in divorces and given to their ex wife's new boyfriends. Harley Davidson motor cycles, sports cars, Rolex watches, tools, jet skis, etc. Seen grown men cry over that shit too.

OJ Simpson payed his Ex wife 22K per month and gave up half his shit. OJ saw his ex wife's boy toy driving his car, living off of his money and went ape shit and killed both of them. Not saying its right, but some men in that situation can definitely understand the anger and frustration of getting hosed in a divorce.




Long story short, i played it cool for two days, did not raise my voice and was really relaxed for this whole "im leaving you" crap. My girlfriend came to her senses and realized that im not gonna change and i don't play games. Needless to say, that was the last argument or fight we ever had.


When you pay all of the bills, all of the cars are in your name, the house is in your name, your girl does not have to work at all and you 2 are not legally married, your girl is less likely to try and fight with you or fuck with you. She may push one time and on that one time, you let her go with out fighting with her, you will have a drama free existence from then on with your mate.


If you really want to fuck your relationship up, get married. First year law school made me see marriage for what it really was. A seriously flawed one sided contract. Fuck that!!



Only one exception to this "don't get married rule". If the girl has way more than you and you don't have to work, get married. I have had a 3 friends in that position.

it doesn't really matter if you get married or not. after living together for a few years you are considered common law and she can still take half of everything..its pretty sad that you feel you have to make her feel powerless to have a decent relationship.

[JustDaveXxx]

Originally Posted by BlackCrayon

it doesn't really matter if you get married or not. after living together for a few years you are considered common law and she can still take half of everything..its pretty sad that you feel you have to make her feel powerless to have a decent relationship.

Its funny that you feel the need to repeat things that you hear from pieces of conversations such as "common law" and put it together as some sort of fact to support some sort of argument on a subject you clearly no nothing about.

You are too funny.




Powerless?? Funny. My relationship is simple and very non-complex. If either one of us is not happy we can easily leave. Keep in mind my girlfriend is very attractive and can find a guy really quick if she chose to do so.


Not being married keeps us both constantly working on the relationship. Seems that when most people get married, one or both quit working on their relationship which ultimately leads to relationship failure or divorce.


We have no intentions of splitting up or do i feel the need to fuck around outside my relationship. This works for us and this girl is the one for me. At 39 years old with never being married and absolutely knowing what i want and don't want, and i am truly happy. We are happy together and live as man and wife without the contract.

[BlackCrayon]

Originally Posted by JustDaveXxx

Its funny that you feel the need to repeat things that you hear from pieces of conversations such as "common law" and put it together as some sort of fact to support some sort of argument on a subject you clearly no nothing about.

You are too funny.




Powerless?? Funny. My relationship is simple and very non-complex. If either one of us is not happy we can easily leave. Keep in mind my girlfriend is very attractive and can find a guy really quick if she chose to do so.


Not being married keeps us both constantly working on the relationship. Seems that when most people get married, one or both quit working on their relationship which ultimately leads to relationship failure or divorce.


We have no intentions of splitting up or do i feel the need to fuck around outside my relationship. This works for us and this girl is the one for me. At 39 years old with never being married and absolutely knowing what i want and don't want, and i am truly happy. We are happy together and live as man and wife without the contract.

I've been with my girl for 8 years and we aren't married (probably longer than you even). If you feel you won't lose anything in a divorce just because you aren't married, you'd be wrong. Your sentence where you say, everything is in your name, she won't fuck with you as much is what I was referring to. I guess if she worked and you guys split things equally you would feel vunerable?

She may be attractive but she has no job and you own everything, well should you two ever split up and she wants to be a prick, you'd have to shell out alimony. As for the not working on the relationship once people get married, i tend to agree but was speaking on the common law/you feeling the need to have power over everything aspect.

[Atticus]

Originally Posted by Slick

That's exactly right, I myself have been with my woman for nearly 20 years now, we didn't get married until after being together for 10 of those years and in that time, in that time I learned everything I needed to know before taking the plunge.

I know soooo many people that just rush into things and in most cases, those marriages ended in divorce. My cousin married a girl before moving in, that's the worst mistake anyone could make because once he lived with her, he realized they just couldn't co-exist in the same house. Since then he's divorced that girl, rushed into another marriage and that one is in a divorce, now again he found "THE girl", so it won't be long before he's married a third time.

Marriage isn't bad at all if you're in it with the right person. I love my wife so much and could never see myself without her.

Why did it take you 10 years to learn you wanted to marry this girl? What did you possibly learn in 10 that you didnt already know in 2 or 3?

Not questioning your choice, just honestly curious as I have found the complete opposite. Every couple I know that were together for 7+ years and then decided to get married are miserable. Most likely due to the fact it was a "shit or get off the pot" thing. If it took the guy 7 years to propose it means he was holding out and settled. Or the girl was holding out and finally relented.

Both my brothers (who are older) gave me sound advice when growing up. Make sure you enjoy your twenties and sow the wild oats. When you're in your late twenties/early thirties look to settle down and fine the "one", just make sure she's lived her life as well. Every couple I know that got married out of high school/college ended up either divorced, miserable or adultery.

[DWB]

That's why God invented whores. ;-)

[DWB]

I'd also like to add...

If you do get married, make sure your real assets are offshore and set up with a nominee director. Don't ever, ever tell her about it. She can only take what they can find. If you set it up right, you'll only lose what you allow her to have.

But its best if you never forget: If it floats, flies or fucks, it's cheaper to rent it.

[Semi-Retired-Dave]

Originally Posted by woj

he probably got married before he became successful... aren't you married yourself though?

He got married in 2004, he enjoys banging other women. Not one, not two. over a dozen.
Why get married.

I've been there, done that. But at the end of the day, you still come home to a lonely house.
Yes, I got married a couple years ago and now have Twins. Did a complete 360 and don't regret it a bit. I'm just glad I did what I did in the past, or I would think I'm missing out on something. I don't miss it a bit.

Tiger travels and loves banging whores, if that's what you are into, don't get married, Period.

[tony286]

been married over over ten yrs and I wouldnt trade it for anything.

[Atticus]

Originally Posted by CyberAge-Dave

He got married in 2004, he enjoys banging other women. Not one, not two. over a dozen.
Why get married.

I've been there, done that. But at the end of the day, you still come home to a lonely house.
Yes, I got married a couple years ago and now have Twins. Did a complete 360 and don't regret it a bit. I'm just glad I did what I did in the past, or I would think I'm missing out on something. I don't miss it a bit.

Tiger travels and loves banging whores, if that's what you are into, don't get married, Period.

Just guessing but it seems like he got married because its something his advisors suggested. A married (to a swedish bikini model) father of 2 on the pro tour makes more endorsement dollars than a single guy banging multiple whores. He just couldnt keep it in his pants and make the charade work.