"I Haven't Been Penetrated in Years" - GoFuckYourself.com

fitzmulti · 02-26-2014, 05:16 PM

{i hope somehow this isn't a duplicate post - "search" didn't find anything! LOL!}

http://gawker.com/florida-woman-call...etr-1530885032

An allegedly inebriated widow from a sleepy section of Florida's West Coast was arrested last Friday after calling 911 twice in search of a cop to do "extra duty" for her, then rubbing an officer who was dispatched to her house while telling him: "I am so horny."

Via NBC affiliate WBBH-TV:

Police say the initial 911 call happened just after 6 p.m., when Maria Montenez-Colon complained that she wanted her Corvette back.

When the officer arrived at the Almar Drive home, he said Montenez-Colon was very drunk.

The 58-year-old immediately told the officer he was sexy and asked if he was married, according to the incident report. Then she started over-sharing.

Montenez-Colon allegedly told the officer, "I haven't been penetrated in years," and "I am so horny."

The officer tried to steer the conversation back to the topic of the call, asking what he could do for her.

Montenez-Colon's response was "You can [expletive] me," according to the report.

The officer calmly explained that Montenez-Colon had legally ceded the Corvette to her stepson as she attempted to rub his chest. He left, but Montenez-Colon reportedly still burned for... justice.

Less than an hour later, Montenez-Colon called 911 again, complaining the officer who was at her home "pissed her off."

The original officer arrived, along with a second officer.

Montenez-Colon reportedly complained about the original visit to the second officer, saying, "He was a perfect gentleman, but when I asked him to [expletive] me, he turned me down so that made me angry."

When asked by the original officer if she remembered the conversation about misuse of 911, Montenez-Colon allegedly said, "I do, but how else am I going to get you to [expletive] me?"

Montenez-Colon was booked for misusing the emergency line. It's her fifth arrest since the beginning of 2013.

dyna mo · 02-26-2014, 05:18 PM

L-Pink is currently google mapping this story and grabbing his car keys.

mineistaken · 02-26-2014, 06:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by dyna mo

L-Pink is currently google mapping this story and grabbing his car keys.

_Richard_ · 02-26-2014, 06:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by dyna mo

L-Pink is currently google mapping this story and grabbing his car keys.

mineistaken · 02-26-2014, 06:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by fitzmulti

Montenez-Colon was booked for misusing the emergency line.

What about sexual assault or something like that?
Not that it is a big deal, it just may sound like officer is not doing his job (not booking for offense made).

Babaganoosh · 02-26-2014, 07:03 PM

How is it that nobody made a joke about penetrating the Colon yet...

mineistaken · 02-26-2014, 07:05 PM

Green nicks' thread

Creatine · 02-26-2014, 07:06 PM

Desperate times come for desperate measures.

Sly · 02-26-2014, 07:40 PM

New show on ABC: Desperate Widows.

brassmonkey · 02-26-2014, 07:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by dyna mo

L-Pink is currently google mapping this story and grabbing his car keys.

L-Pink · 02-26-2014, 08:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by dyna mo

L-Pink is currently google mapping this story and grabbing his car keys.

… That's some funny shit right there!

.

SilentKnight · 02-26-2014, 08:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by dyna mo

L-Pink is currently google mapping this story and grabbing his car keys.

alwayshornyasfuck86 · 02-26-2014, 08:49 PM

horny ass oldie

Spunky · 02-26-2014, 09:11 PM

In hate it when they treat me like I'm a piece of meat

John-ACWM · 02-27-2014, 01:57 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Babaganoosh

How is it that nobody made a joke about penetrating the Colon yet...

noticed the weird name too.

adultchatpay · 02-27-2014, 02:55 AM

She can call other number for sex.

seeandsee · 02-27-2014, 06:17 AM

hot line for fast police penetration yeah

CaptainHowdy · 02-27-2014, 06:20 AM

brassmonkey · 02-27-2014, 06:59 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by fitzmulti

{i hope somehow this isn't a duplicate post - "search" didn't find anything! LOL!}

http://gawker.com/florida-woman-call...etr-1530885032

An allegedly inebriated widow from a sleepy section of Florida's West Coast was arrested last Friday after calling 911 twice in search of a cop to do "extra duty" for her, then rubbing an officer who was dispatched to her house while telling him: "I am so horny."

Via NBC affiliate WBBH-TV:

Police say the initial 911 call happened just after 6 p.m., when Maria Montenez-Colon complained that she wanted her Corvette back.

When the officer arrived at the Almar Drive home, he said Montenez-Colon was very drunk.

The 58-year-old immediately told the officer he was sexy and asked if he was married, according to the incident report. Then she started over-sharing.

Montenez-Colon allegedly told the officer, "I haven't been penetrated in years," and "I am so horny."

The officer tried to steer the conversation back to the topic of the call, asking what he could do for her.

Montenez-Colon's response was "You can [expletive] me," according to the report.

The officer calmly explained that Montenez-Colon had legally ceded the Corvette to her stepson as she attempted to rub his chest. He left, but Montenez-Colon reportedly still burned for... justice.

Less than an hour later, Montenez-Colon called 911 again, complaining the officer who was at her home "pissed her off."

The original officer arrived, along with a second officer.

Montenez-Colon reportedly complained about the original visit to the second officer, saying, "He was a perfect gentleman, but when I asked him to [expletive] me, he turned me down so that made me angry."

When asked by the original officer if she remembered the conversation about misuse of 911, Montenez-Colon allegedly said, "I do, but how else am I going to get you to [expletive] me?"

Montenez-Colon was booked for misusing the emergency line. It's her fifth arrest since the beginning of 2013.

hotlinked think this story would be if she looked like megan fox??? hmmmm

hotlinked

NemesisEnforcer · 02-27-2014, 08:09 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by fitzmulti

An allegedly inebriated widow from a sleepy section of Florida's West Coast was arrested last Friday after calling 911 twice in search of a cop to do "extra duty" for her, then rubbing an officer who was dispatched to her house while telling him: "I am so horny."

A cop, that's where she messed up. She should've called the fire department.

02-26-2014, 05:16 PM	#1
fitzmulti I Like Depth Of Field! Industry Role: Join Date: Jan 2003 Location: Las Vegas, NV, USA: 36.12318 N, 115.090219 W Posts: 14,861	"I Haven't Been Penetrated in Years" {i hope somehow this isn't a duplicate post - "search" didn't find anything! LOL!} http://gawker.com/florida-woman-call...etr-1530885032 An allegedly inebriated widow from a sleepy section of Florida's West Coast was arrested last Friday after calling 911 twice in search of a cop to do "extra duty" for her, then rubbing an officer who was dispatched to her house while telling him: "I am so horny." Via NBC affiliate WBBH-TV: Police say the initial 911 call happened just after 6 p.m., when Maria Montenez-Colon complained that she wanted her Corvette back. When the officer arrived at the Almar Drive home, he said Montenez-Colon was very drunk. The 58-year-old immediately told the officer he was sexy and asked if he was married, according to the incident report. Then she started over-sharing. Montenez-Colon allegedly told the officer, "I haven't been penetrated in years," and "I am so horny." The officer tried to steer the conversation back to the topic of the call, asking what he could do for her. Montenez-Colon's response was "You can [expletive] me," according to the report. The officer calmly explained that Montenez-Colon had legally ceded the Corvette to her stepson as she attempted to rub his chest. He left, but Montenez-Colon reportedly still burned for... justice. Less than an hour later, Montenez-Colon called 911 again, complaining the officer who was at her home "pissed her off." The original officer arrived, along with a second officer. Montenez-Colon reportedly complained about the original visit to the second officer, saying, "He was a perfect gentleman, but when I asked him to [expletive] me, he turned me down so that made me angry." When asked by the original officer if she remembered the conversation about misuse of 911, Montenez-Colon allegedly said, "I do, but how else am I going to get you to [expletive] me?" Montenez-Colon was booked for misusing the emergency line. It's her fifth arrest since the beginning of 2013. __________________ www.SexyGirlsCash.com CONTACT // FITZMULTI AT GMAIL.COM // {Please include a message so I know you are from GFY! I get too many spam "add requests"!}

02-26-2014, 07:03 PM	#6
Babaganoosh ♥♥♥ Likes Hugs ♥♥♥ Industry Role: Join Date: Nov 2001 Location: /home Posts: 15,841	How is it that nobody made a joke about penetrating the Colon yet... __________________ I like pie.

02-26-2014, 07:40 PM	#9
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02-26-2014, 08:49 PM	#13
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02-26-2014, 09:11 PM	#14
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02-26-2014, 05:18 PM	#2
dyna mo The People's Post Industry Role: Join Date: Dec 2008 Location: invisible 7-11 Posts: 64,779	L-Pink is currently google mapping this story and grabbing his car keys.

02-26-2014, 07:05 PM	#7
mineistaken See signature :) Industry Role: Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: ICQ 363 097 773 Posts: 29,656	Green nicks' thread

02-26-2014, 07:06 PM	#8
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02-27-2014, 02:55 AM	#16
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02-27-2014, 06:17 AM	#17
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02-27-2014, 06:20 AM	#18
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