I've started writing erotica - GoFuckYourself.com

Devious Angel · 07-28-2016, 12:43 AM

So, I meet new people like everyday. And I hear all these fantasies from them so I decided to write my own.
Can you give me a feedback?

I never told you about Matt... I met him on..well, I'm ashamed to say...well..we met on Tinder.. Oh well.. who doesn't meet people on Tinder? Oh, whatever, I'm not ashamed, he is one of the coolest people I know.

The first time we went out I laughed the whole night, he was just a joyful person to be around, smart and funny, the kind of person that could make you smile in a second.

It's not often you find a person you just click on a mental way like I did with him.

So I agreed to a second date. I was working so much and he was also, so we decided to just stay at his apartment and watch a movie or something.

I can't remember what movie he put on exactly, I swear. We talked so much and we laughed to hard.

Then he kissed me. It felt like we kissed so many times before. The kind of kiss that melts you, makes you wet, makes you hard..I could feel the heat building up in my stomach while we kissed and he started touching my body with his manly hands.

I arched my back and gave him my neck to nibble on. He started liking my neck and playing with my breast, caressing my waist while I gave more and more into him.

I moaned from my lungs and I could feel myself getting wet..and him getting hard. So hard...very hard.

He held me in his arms and them slowly laid me on my back while he was throbbing on me, touching me, sucking my nipples, biting them. I could feel his hardness on to of me, exploding from his pants but I asked him to stop.

I wasn't feeling ready to do it yet..it was the second date, it was not something I do..I'm a good girl, nice girl..kinky as hell but not the kind that fucks so quickly after she meets a guy.

"It's ok, I won't pressure you" Matt said. "if it's uncomfortable with you, I can sleep on the couch and you can take the bed".

I told him to stop being an idiot and take me to bed so we could both sleep.

We got into bed and started kissing again, I was on my stomach while he was caressing my ass and my back, he felt me getting wet and I could feel him smiling.

"So I have some effect over you" he said, and I grabbed his hand and placed it on my pussy "This is what you do to me" I said.

He grabbed me and pulled my panties off, placing his mouth on my stomach, he smelled my excitement as he started to kiss down my left thigh then kiss back up, then kiss my clit and flick his tongue out.
I moaned out, and then he slowly licked the length of my pussy, parting my pussy lips with his tongue, my sweet juices coating his tongue. He started to lick faster, as my moans became louder, my pussy became wetter he lap up my juices and lick and suck on my clit, faster and faster. Licking and sucking.
My pussy became so wet; he easily pressed his 2 fingers deep into my pussy, as he licked and sucked. My body was squirming, wanting to explode. Matt was licking and press a 3rd finger into me, filling my pussy. I moaned so loud as my body exploded on his tongue and fingers. My pussy gripped at his fingers as I orgasmed hard and I moan out in pleasure.

I screamed so hard I had to bite my hand to stop me from screaming or waking up his neighbours.

He smiled and he said I taste so good.

I laid on my stomach still shaking from waves of ecstasy as he started kissing my back. I couldn't believe the way this man made me feel, I was so wet but still wanted him in me so much I couldn't believe it.

"Please fuck me" I moaned "Please FUCK ME HARD".

He pulled out his dick from his pants and my eyes could not believe the length of it. It was the biggest cock I ever saw. It was so big and thick I couldn't believe it.

I grabbed it with both hands while my ass was up in the air, I rubbed it a little, spat on it and started licking it from top to bottom. His cock tasted so good, it was just a pleasure to taste it. He grabbed my head and stuck it in my throat, causing my eyes to tear up while I was chocking on his dick.

I went over to his balls and kissed and sucked them, took them in my mouth while was caressing his cock with my hand. He had such an amazing cock, I began to suck on it, playing with his balls, his hand were in my hair as he moaned of pleasure "Fuck baby, you are so good".

Up and down my lips were around his hardened cock, dripping saliva from my mouth, making it look so juicy and shiny.

He couldn't take it anymore and he pulled me out, turned me around with my ass in front of him, he spat in my pussy and then he put his in me.

I thought that he would rip my pussy out. His dick was too big for me, it was hurting but it was the greatest pain I ever experienced. He could feel me so tight and he laid over me, giving it to me slowly while I felt every inch of that big cock entering me.

He was pushing harder and harder, grabbing my ass and my hair, playing with his hand in my pussy, feeling as I get tighter and gripped his cock in me.

Matt was giving it to me so good, moving inside of me so good.

He pulled out, grabbed my hair and gave my all his sperm. In my face, in my mouth, his sperm was dripping from my cheek into my mouth and I was licking my cum filled lips while looking into his eyes.

Needless to say we slept like babies after that and my pussy was hurting 2 days after

Paul Markham · 07-28-2016, 01:04 AM

Release it as an audio tape, with orgasmic like sounds, and promote it on YT.

AdultKing · 07-28-2016, 01:17 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Paul Markham

Release it as an audio tape, with orgasmic like sounds, and promote it on YT.

There's this thing called an MP3 file now, it came after another thing called the CD.

Nobody, except a few diehards, has used an "audio tape" in over a decade

nico-t · 07-28-2016, 02:52 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AdultKing

There's this thing called an MP3 file now, it came after another thing called the CD.

Nobody, except a few diehards, has used an "audio tape" in over a decade

Paul Markham · 07-28-2016, 03:48 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AdultKing

There's this thing called an MP3 file now, it came after another thing called the CD.

Nobody, except a few diehards, has used an "audio tape" in over a decade

You caught me there. Well done.

Look Chang · 07-28-2016, 04:03 AM

I used to be a writer too...

Zuzana Designs · 07-28-2016, 04:43 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AdultKing

There's this thing called an MP3 file now, it came after another thing called the CD.

Nobody, except a few diehards, has used an "audio tape" in over a decade

lolz

CaptainHowdy · 07-28-2016, 05:12 AM

It's more crass than erotic. You should read a little more.

Devious Angel · 07-28-2016, 08:00 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CaptainHowdy

It's more crass than erotic. You should read a little more.

I'm sorry, bu why are you being a dick? I understand it's not the best but to call it lacking in intelligence is pretty rude.
I get people that are haters just because they're trying to be cool but really now..

Relic · 07-28-2016, 01:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CaptainHowdy

It's more crass than erotic. You should read a little more.

......................................

nico-t · 07-28-2016, 02:57 PM

sounds like a waste of time. Who the fuck reads erotica, it's pointless.

Relic · 07-28-2016, 03:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by nico-t

kane · 07-28-2016, 03:52 PM

I'll try to steer this back into a more positive direction with some constructive criticism.

The Good:
1. It's a full story. Boy meets girl, they like each other, and they fuck. You have a beginning, middle, and end.

2. It's current. Every day people meet on Tinder and fuck.

3. There is plenty of action.

4. Decent length for what it is. If this scene had dragged out for several more pages it would be too long. You kept it on topic and moved things along at a good pace.

The Bad:

1. Grammar, spelling etc. There are tons of errors all through the story. These can pull the reader out of the moment and distract them.

2. Lacking physical descriptions. Aside from his dick being giant, we don't really have any idea what these people look like. Even in a short story like this getting a physical description helps readers connect with the people they are reading about. You don't need to go into massive detail, just tell how tall they are, hair and eye color, body type and general descriptions.

3. Redundancy and "graphic" descriptions. You use the word pussy at least 12 times and cock at least 7 times (with a few random dicks thrown in as well). Try coming up with different words for these body parts it will help keep it fresh and engage the reader's imagination.

By graphic I mean it reads like a hardcore porn movie. There is nothing wrong with that if your target audience is people that want really graphic stuff. However, most readers of erotica are women and many women don't want something as graphic. They want something a little more subtle. You can still be erotic and even graphic to a point by describing things with a little more subtlety. Let me give you an example:

You have a sentence that says:
"He couldn't take it anymore and he pulled me out, turned me around with my ass in front of him, he spat in my pussy and then he put his in me."

Perhaps you could write it as:
"He was so turned on he couldn't hold back any longer. He took himself out of my mouth, spun me around, and pulled my ass into the air in front him. I was face down on the bed, filled with anticipation. I could hear him take a deep breath as he put one hand on my hip and used the other to guide himself as he slid into me with such confidence and power it took my breath away."

Mine is a little more wordy, but this is a big part of the story. This is the moment we have all been waiting for so it's okay to take an extra sentence or two to describe the scene.

Anyway, these are just my thoughts. Have fun writing and I hope I was of some help in some way.

Relic · 07-28-2016, 05:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kane

I'll try to steer this back into a more positive direction

That's the spirit

ScandalRom · 07-28-2016, 07:03 PM

You might want to take a look at some of the more successful erotica stories out there, deconstruct and analyze how they were written and structured, and try to do something similar. I would recommend it if you enjoy writing, but make sure to keep it fun.

There isn't big money in erotica e-books. You can find many great erotica e-books available on Amazon to buy for free for the Kindle. On one hand, that might be a good starting point if you want to survey the field and see what is out there. On the other hand, it shows you why there is little money in e-books. Amazon gives them away for free to get more sales for their Kindle and Kindle Unlimited.

Devious Angel · 07-29-2016, 12:16 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kane

I'll try to steer this back into a more positive direction with some constructive criticism.

The Good:
1. It's a full story. Boy meets girl, they like each other, and they fuck. You have a beginning, middle, and end.

2. It's current. Every day people meet on Tinder and fuck.

3. There is plenty of action.

4. Decent length for what it is. If this scene had dragged out for several more pages it would be too long. You kept it on topic and moved things along at a good pace.

The Bad:

1. Grammar, spelling etc. There are tons of errors all through the story. These can pull the reader out of the moment and distract them.

2. Lacking physical descriptions. Aside from his dick being giant, we don't really have any idea what these people look like. Even in a short story like this getting a physical description helps readers connect with the people they are reading about. You don't need to go into massive detail, just tell how tall they are, hair and eye color, body type and general descriptions.

3. Redundancy and "graphic" descriptions. You use the word pussy at least 12 times and cock at least 7 times (with a few random dicks thrown in as well). Try coming up with different words for these body parts it will help keep it fresh and engage the reader's imagination.

By graphic I mean it reads like a hardcore porn movie. There is nothing wrong with that if your target audience is people that want really graphic stuff. However, most readers of erotica are women and many women don't want something as graphic. They want something a little more subtle. You can still be erotic and even graphic to a point by describing things with a little more subtlety. Let me give you an example:

You have a sentence that says:
"He couldn't take it anymore and he pulled me out, turned me around with my ass in front of him, he spat in my pussy and then he put his in me."

Perhaps you could write it as:
"He was so turned on he couldn't hold back any longer. He took himself out of my mouth, spun me around, and pulled my ass into the air in front him. I was face down on the bed, filled with anticipation. I could hear him take a deep breath as he put one hand on my hip and used the other to guide himself as he slid into me with such confidence and power it took my breath away."

Mine is a little more wordy, but this is a big part of the story. This is the moment we have all been waiting for so it's okay to take an extra sentence or two to describe the scene.

Anyway, these are just my thoughts. Have fun writing and I hope I was of some help in some way.

Thank you so much for the feedback. It's honestly been the best feedback I got.
I'm pretty new at this and you helped me a lot!!
A million thanks!

Devious Angel · 07-29-2016, 12:18 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ScandalRom

You might want to take a look at some of the more successful erotica stories out there, deconstruct and analyze how they were written and structured, and try to do something similar. I would recommend it if you enjoy writing, but make sure to keep it fun.

There isn't big money in erotica e-books. You can find many great erotica e-books available on Amazon to buy for free for the Kindle. On one hand, that might be a good starting point if you want to survey the field and see what is out there. On the other hand, it shows you why there is little money in e-books. Amazon gives them away for free to get more sales for their Kindle and Kindle Unlimited.

Thank you! I'll look them up.
Do yo have a favorite erotic book that you recommend?
I'm not looking in making any money from this, it's just a hobby that I've developed over the years.
Thank you so much for your feedback!

Relic · 07-29-2016, 12:22 AM

^ What do I get if I edit and or review your story ? otherwise I am just going to post

-------
Is it a true story?

Paul Markham · 07-29-2016, 12:41 AM

You and Matt are strangers to the reader. The scenarios are places no one can associate with. The only description is the physical sex. Which is described too mechanically.

Make it real as if you were inside the scene describe your feelings and thinking more.

Here's an idea, make it about webcamming and a great experience you had. What, where, who and why it was great. Make it personal to and from you.

Or describe real sexual experiences.

As for reading other novels, they need not be erotic. They will show you how words paint a picture in a reader's mind.

Spelling and Grammar are easily fixed, buy Grammarly.

Relic · 07-29-2016, 12:42 AM

elliso · 08-01-2016, 01:03 PM

check Literotica.com to learn more :-)

sicone · 08-01-2016, 01:34 PM

Invest in a thesaurus, using the same descriptive word over and over reminds me of reports my child did when he was 10. Best of luck with your writings.

07-28-2016, 12:43 AM	#1
Devious Angel Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Nov 2015 Posts: 241	I've started writing erotica So, I meet new people like everyday. And I hear all these fantasies from them so I decided to write my own. Can you give me a feedback? I never told you about Matt... I met him on..well, I'm ashamed to say...well..we met on Tinder.. Oh well.. who doesn't meet people on Tinder? Oh, whatever, I'm not ashamed, he is one of the coolest people I know. The first time we went out I laughed the whole night, he was just a joyful person to be around, smart and funny, the kind of person that could make you smile in a second. It's not often you find a person you just click on a mental way like I did with him. So I agreed to a second date. I was working so much and he was also, so we decided to just stay at his apartment and watch a movie or something. I can't remember what movie he put on exactly, I swear. We talked so much and we laughed to hard. Then he kissed me. It felt like we kissed so many times before. The kind of kiss that melts you, makes you wet, makes you hard..I could feel the heat building up in my stomach while we kissed and he started touching my body with his manly hands. I arched my back and gave him my neck to nibble on. He started liking my neck and playing with my breast, caressing my waist while I gave more and more into him. I moaned from my lungs and I could feel myself getting wet..and him getting hard. So hard...very hard. He held me in his arms and them slowly laid me on my back while he was throbbing on me, touching me, sucking my nipples, biting them. I could feel his hardness on to of me, exploding from his pants but I asked him to stop. I wasn't feeling ready to do it yet..it was the second date, it was not something I do..I'm a good girl, nice girl..kinky as hell but not the kind that fucks so quickly after she meets a guy. "It's ok, I won't pressure you" Matt said. "if it's uncomfortable with you, I can sleep on the couch and you can take the bed". I told him to stop being an idiot and take me to bed so we could both sleep. We got into bed and started kissing again, I was on my stomach while he was caressing my ass and my back, he felt me getting wet and I could feel him smiling. "So I have some effect over you" he said, and I grabbed his hand and placed it on my pussy "This is what you do to me" I said. He grabbed me and pulled my panties off, placing his mouth on my stomach, he smelled my excitement as he started to kiss down my left thigh then kiss back up, then kiss my clit and flick his tongue out. I moaned out, and then he slowly licked the length of my pussy, parting my pussy lips with his tongue, my sweet juices coating his tongue. He started to lick faster, as my moans became louder, my pussy became wetter he lap up my juices and lick and suck on my clit, faster and faster. Licking and sucking. My pussy became so wet; he easily pressed his 2 fingers deep into my pussy, as he licked and sucked. My body was squirming, wanting to explode. Matt was licking and press a 3rd finger into me, filling my pussy. I moaned so loud as my body exploded on his tongue and fingers. My pussy gripped at his fingers as I orgasmed hard and I moan out in pleasure. I screamed so hard I had to bite my hand to stop me from screaming or waking up his neighbours. He smiled and he said I taste so good. I laid on my stomach still shaking from waves of ecstasy as he started kissing my back. I couldn't believe the way this man made me feel, I was so wet but still wanted him in me so much I couldn't believe it. "Please fuck me" I moaned "Please FUCK ME HARD". He pulled out his dick from his pants and my eyes could not believe the length of it. It was the biggest cock I ever saw. It was so big and thick I couldn't believe it. I grabbed it with both hands while my ass was up in the air, I rubbed it a little, spat on it and started licking it from top to bottom. His cock tasted so good, it was just a pleasure to taste it. He grabbed my head and stuck it in my throat, causing my eyes to tear up while I was chocking on his dick. I went over to his balls and kissed and sucked them, took them in my mouth while was caressing his cock with my hand. He had such an amazing cock, I began to suck on it, playing with his balls, his hand were in my hair as he moaned of pleasure "Fuck baby, you are so good". Up and down my lips were around his hardened cock, dripping saliva from my mouth, making it look so juicy and shiny. He couldn't take it anymore and he pulled me out, turned me around with my ass in front of him, he spat in my pussy and then he put his in me. I thought that he would rip my pussy out. His dick was too big for me, it was hurting but it was the greatest pain I ever experienced. He could feel me so tight and he laid over me, giving it to me slowly while I felt every inch of that big cock entering me. He was pushing harder and harder, grabbing my ass and my hair, playing with his hand in my pussy, feeling as I get tighter and gripped his cock in me. Matt was giving it to me so good, moving inside of me so good. He pulled out, grabbed my hair and gave my all his sperm. In my face, in my mouth, his sperm was dripping from my cheek into my mouth and I was licking my cum filled lips while looking into his eyes. Needless to say we slept like babies after that and my pussy was hurting 2 days after __________________ Keep up with me at www.deviousangel.net

07-28-2016, 01:04 AM	#2
Paul Markham Too old to care Industry Role: Join Date: Jun 2001 Location: On the sofa, watching TV or doing my jigsaws. Posts: 52,943	Release it as an audio tape, with orgasmic like sounds, and promote it on YT. __________________ Blowout deal. 880 videos, 2,400 image sets, plus many RAW videos. $500. PM me for a deal. Skype Paulmarkham70

07-28-2016, 04:03 AM	#6
Look Chang Sex Tourist Industry Role: Join Date: Sep 2010 Location: Southeast Asia Posts: 14,533	I used to be a writer too... __________________ Bests Hot & Juicy Asian Sex Sites : SEDUCTION -> FELLATIO -> CONCLUSION NEW Uncensored Cute & Perky Butt Niche Site : CUTE BUTTS

07-28-2016, 05:12 AM	#8
CaptainHowdy Too lazy to set a custom title Industry Role: Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: Happy in the dark. Posts: 92,029	It's more crass than erotic. You should read a little more. __________________ Enroll in the SWAG Affiliate Asian Live Cam Program and get 9 free quality link-backs! Get those links up ASAP! --> TJEEZERS.Cam. Setup in 48 Hours max.

07-29-2016, 12:41 AM	#19
Paul Markham Too old to care Industry Role: Join Date: Jun 2001 Location: On the sofa, watching TV or doing my jigsaws. Posts: 52,943	You and Matt are strangers to the reader. The scenarios are places no one can associate with. The only description is the physical sex. Which is described too mechanically. Make it real as if you were inside the scene describe your feelings and thinking more. Here's an idea, make it about webcamming and a great experience you had. What, where, who and why it was great. Make it personal to and from you. Or describe real sexual experiences. As for reading other novels, they need not be erotic. They will show you how words paint a picture in a reader's mind. Spelling and Grammar are easily fixed, buy Grammarly. __________________ Blowout deal. 880 videos, 2,400 image sets, plus many RAW videos. $500. PM me for a deal. Skype Paulmarkham70

07-28-2016, 02:57 PM	#11
nico-t emperor of my world Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: nethalands Posts: 29,904	sounds like a waste of time. Who the fuck reads erotica, it's pointless.

07-28-2016, 03:52 PM	#13
kane Too lazy to set a custom title Join Date: Aug 2001 Location: portland, OR Posts: 20,684	I'll try to steer this back into a more positive direction with some constructive criticism. The Good: 1. It's a full story. Boy meets girl, they like each other, and they fuck. You have a beginning, middle, and end. 2. It's current. Every day people meet on Tinder and fuck. 3. There is plenty of action. 4. Decent length for what it is. If this scene had dragged out for several more pages it would be too long. You kept it on topic and moved things along at a good pace. The Bad: 1. Grammar, spelling etc. There are tons of errors all through the story. These can pull the reader out of the moment and distract them. 2. Lacking physical descriptions. Aside from his dick being giant, we don't really have any idea what these people look like. Even in a short story like this getting a physical description helps readers connect with the people they are reading about. You don't need to go into massive detail, just tell how tall they are, hair and eye color, body type and general descriptions. 3. Redundancy and "graphic" descriptions. You use the word pussy at least 12 times and cock at least 7 times (with a few random dicks thrown in as well). Try coming up with different words for these body parts it will help keep it fresh and engage the reader's imagination. By graphic I mean it reads like a hardcore porn movie. There is nothing wrong with that if your target audience is people that want really graphic stuff. However, most readers of erotica are women and many women don't want something as graphic. They want something a little more subtle. You can still be erotic and even graphic to a point by describing things with a little more subtlety. Let me give you an example: You have a sentence that says: "He couldn't take it anymore and he pulled me out, turned me around with my ass in front of him, he spat in my pussy and then he put his in me." Perhaps you could write it as: "He was so turned on he couldn't hold back any longer. He took himself out of my mouth, spun me around, and pulled my ass into the air in front him. I was face down on the bed, filled with anticipation. I could hear him take a deep breath as he put one hand on my hip and used the other to guide himself as he slid into me with such confidence and power it took my breath away." Mine is a little more wordy, but this is a big part of the story. This is the moment we have all been waiting for so it's okay to take an extra sentence or two to describe the scene. Anyway, these are just my thoughts. Have fun writing and I hope I was of some help in some way.

07-28-2016, 07:03 PM	#15
ScandalRom Registered User Industry Role: Join Date: Oct 2015 Posts: 15	You might want to take a look at some of the more successful erotica stories out there, deconstruct and analyze how they were written and structured, and try to do something similar. I would recommend it if you enjoy writing, but make sure to keep it fun. There isn't big money in erotica e-books. You can find many great erotica e-books available on Amazon to buy for free for the Kindle. On one hand, that might be a good starting point if you want to survey the field and see what is out there. On the other hand, it shows you why there is little money in e-books. Amazon gives them away for free to get more sales for their Kindle and Kindle Unlimited.

07-29-2016, 12:22 AM	#18
Relic So Fucking Banned Join Date: Aug 2002 Posts: 10,300	^ What do I get if I edit and or review your story ? otherwise I am just going to post ------- Is it a true story?

07-29-2016, 12:42 AM	#20
Relic So Fucking Banned Join Date: Aug 2002 Posts: 10,300

08-01-2016, 01:03 PM	#21
elliso Its All About Girls &SEX Industry Role: Join Date: Dec 2011 Location: Philipinne Posts: 1,042	check Literotica.com to learn more :-) __________________ ICQ : Number 690911541

08-01-2016, 01:34 PM	#22
sicone Retired Industry Role: Join Date: Jan 2004 Location: Sac Posts: 18,453	Invest in a thesaurus, using the same descriptive word over and over reminds me of reports my child did when he was 10. Best of luck with your writings. __________________